Talitha Koum

Able - Needtobreathe

2011-11-30T18:02:00.001-06:00

This song is hitting home right now. Forget that I love generally every song from Needtobreathe, and think they are INCREDIBLY talented and gifted, this song is so true! While the title is Able - the point of the song is that we as humans are not able to do anything on our own. I dont want to assume anything upon what they meant the lyrics to mean, but I think the point is that ONLY through God are we able to make it. Cause on our own - we're not able.

The lyrics are below, but if you haven't heard the song, its worth the download!!

There's a host of hurts we come across
None of which alike
From the air inside the birthing room
To the darkness where we die
Though I feel I'm just as strong as any man I know
I'm not able on my own

Carry round the secrets
Only heaven knows
Crawl into our darkened rooms where only victims go
Though I feel I'm strong enough to carry all this load
I'm not able on my own

All my actions, false or true
Selfish motives I will use
We were born with knives in hand
Trained to kill our fellow man
If we're not better than the rest
How will children do their best
Find your patience, find your truth
Love is all we have to lose

I'm not able on my own

I surrender all

2011-10-27T07:00:00.002-05:00

So as some of you may know, God has been so amazing to me lately. Between the success on my journey to getting healthier, to finding a new class at a new church that I really enjoy (even though Grand Parkway is still my home), but he's also blessed me in another way. I've been searching and praying for a new job for about 6 months now, and it wasn't until I gave up looking that God threw three possibilities in my lap within the span of one hour.

At the time - I was just happy for the "nod from God saying he's got this". And I knew that even if none of them panned out - HE was in control not me. I was so grateful for that.

Well fast forward, and only one has really panned out. I went in for an interview that I thought went really well, and then they called me back for a second interview. My friend, who works there, said not to expect them to discuss price, or offer the job, I was really just meeting with the Co-Owner that couldn't be there at the last interview.

The interview with him lasted an hour, and went really well. I liked what he had to say and he seemed to like what I had to say as well. He had me fill out a company application, and as I was walking out the door saying good-bye to my friend he called me back in. I waited while the two co-owners discussed some things and then when they came back in the office, they offered me the job. I was thrilled until I heard the price.

I was prepared for a pay cut, but this was considerable. I won't bore you with the details, but after praying and seeking wise council - what I've come to believe is that the good far outweigh the bad. It also didn't help that I had my pastor's voice ringing in my head - "God's will for your life may not always be the job that pays more". My flesh and the part of me that thinks I actually take care of myself and provide everything for myself was terrified and didn't want to take the job. Could I actually make it. Would my bills all get paid? Who needs to eat right - I'm trying to lose weight.

But then - the peace the surpasses all understanding settled on my heart. He's GOT THIS! I don't have to do anything. God has ALWAYS provided everything I've needed. I might not have more - but I've always had just enough, and what does that say about my faith when I don't trust him.

So, I've decided to have "Faith Like a Child" (queue Jars of Clay Amy - lol) and take the job. I'm turning in my two weeks this morning and accepting the job.

If that's not enough, God blessed me even more with a reminder on the way here. I wasn't having buyers remorse, per say, but my flesh decided to make one more appearance to try and change my mind and what should come on my Pandora Station - but Clay Crosse - I surrender All. I LOVE when God hijacks my Pandora station with a song that I know is just for me at the perfect time. Here are the lyrics if you don't remember them (it is an oldie but a goodie after all!)

I have wrestled in the darkness of this lonely pilgrim land

Raising strong and mighty fortresses that I alone command

But these castles I've constructed by the strength of my own hand

Are just temporary kingdoms on foundations made of sand

In the middle of the battle I believe I've finally found

I'll never know the thrill of victory 'til I'm willing to lay down

All my weapons of defense and earthly strategies of war

So I'm laying down my arms and running helplessly to Yours

I surrender all my silent hopes and dreams

Though the price to follow costs me everything

I surrender all my human soul desires

If sacrifice requires

That all my kingdoms fall

I surrender all

If the source of my ambition is the treasure I obtain

If I measure my successes on a scale of earthly gain

If the focus of my vision is the status I attain

My accomplishments are worthless and my efforts are in vain

So I lay aside these trophies to pursue a higher crown

And should You choose somehow to use the life I willingly lay down

I surrender all the triumph for it's only by Your grace

I relinquish all the glory, I surrender all the praise

Everything I am, all I've done, and all I've known

Now belongs to You, the life I live is not my own

Just as Abraham laid Isaac on the sacrificial fire

If all I have is all that You desire

I surrender all

Silence broken

2011-10-24T07:49:00.001-05:00

So I've been out of touch for a while and there's a reason. I've been cheating on this blog with another one - but it was private, so no you're not being swapped out with another audience. My doc had put me on a very restrictive 40 day diet and I started another private blog to document the journey. My first 40 days are over - but I can proudly say - and I want to shout from the rooftops actually -

I LOST 40 LBS AND DROPPED 6 BMI POINTS!!!

I totally didn't think I could do it, and while I still have a super long way to go it is a start that is so encouraging, and my docs were uber impressed. One kept going on and on about the 6 pt BMI drop. She said in all her years she'd never seen that - 3 pts yes, but 6 - never. I told her - what can I say - I'm an over acheiver.

Anyways. I just wanted to share my good news somewhere - and facebook is a little too public. So yay!

My next 40 day adventure begins the day after Thanksgiving. Doc says to be prepared with just 20 lbs this time - though I'm shooting for 25 or 30 :-)

Thanks for indulging me and letting me share my good news.

A-Z About Me

2011-09-30T15:22:00.000-05:00

Age: 29
Bed Size: King - I LOVE MY BED (just thought I'd throw that out there)
Chore that you hate: washing the dishes/putting them away
Dogs: none - but I've had some GREAT ones!
Essential start to your day: nice hot shower.
Favorite color: Fall colors - deep red, orange, yellow, browns (think somewhere that has a REAL fall)
Gold or Silver: Silver for sure
Height: 5'9"
Instruments you play: none
Job Title: Admin and all around Jack of all Trades - master of some
Kids: None
Live: Texas - unfortunately - (see F)
Mother's name: Diane
Nicknames: Becca, BeccaDink, Dink, Bec, Dinkins, ReBec, BeccaDinkyDo (but that's only from one person)
Overnight hospital stays: 1997 I was at camp and went in for surgery. I was there for a week, came home and 4 days later went back into surgery because of the incompetency of the first hospital and was there a little less than a week.
Pet Peeves: Slow drivers in the fast lane, cutting me off and then going slow
Quote from a movie: I can't pick just one! - but if I must - "If you, suffer your people to be ill-educated, and their manners corrupted from infancy, and then punish them for those crimes to which their first education disposed them; what else can be concluded sire, but that you first make thieves and then punish them."
Right or left handed: Left
Siblings: three sisters
Time you wake up: 5:09 - I know it's weird - but that's one snooze after my alarm goes off.
Underwear: I'm going to say yes - for lack of better answer. Don't really know where they're going with this question.
Vegetable you hate: Spinach, collard greens, beets,
What makes you run late: Other people. I know that's bad - but I'm generally early everywhere - and it's when I'm riding with other people waiting for them that I'm late.
X-rays: None to my knowledge
Yummy food you make: Mouthful of Christmas Cookies
Zoo animal: Giraffe

My apologies - I totally didn't give credit where credit was due . . .. I got this game from Amy - over at The Theme Song of the Day. I love her site because, well besides her being AWESOME - she has a song a day (or post :) ). I've found tons of great artists and songs I would never have otherwise found if she hadn't posted them. So go check her out! If you decide to play along make sure to let me know so I can check your list out :)

Radio Silence

2011-09-30T14:57:00.003-05:00

It's been a while since I've posted on here.

There's really no rhyme or reason as to why. When I was blogging most consistently, I was at a job that afforded me the time to blog during the day. Once I'm at home I veg in front of the tv and either do nothing, or crochet my blanket (it's coming along - yay). But I don't feel like really getting on the computer. I mean I'll pin, or more likely repin things, but as far as coming up with profound things to say - I generally have nothing.

So that's where I'm at now.

I've been filling in at my old job, and will be here until Tues. It's been amazing, and I really like being here! I miss my people, and the new people seem really great as well. But I digress. If God wants me back here, I'll be back here. If not . . . then he wants me where I'm at.

And that's about all she wrote. There's stuff going on with me . . .but nothing really new.

Until next time.

Nursery for a Friend

2011-08-02T12:27:00.006-05:00

I was asked to paint a mural in a friends baby room . . . and of course I said yes!!! So here are the pictures from beginning to end - so you can see the process.

I don't normally do this because people will inevitably make dumb comments like - are you going to fix that, or paint that, or what's wrong with the color, or something else - to which I feel like responding. . .. It's the middle of the process Captain Obvious, thank you for your comments - now please leave before I paint your mouth closed. . . .

Just kidding - that's never happened before - but it could.

Anyways. . . for my own purposes and curiosity I thought I would document the process and now you get to benefit, or at least get a peek into the process if you were ever curious about what goes into painting a nursery.

I have a confession before I say anything else. I can't draw large scale for the life of me. Even when I'm doing my yard art it's all drawn using my transparency machine. For all those non-teachers, it's a machine that takes a small image drawn on a clear page and shoots it out larger - whether that's on a white board for teacher, a piece of plywood for my yard art, or a blank wall for murals.

My God given gift has always been the painting aspect - not the drawing. I completely took the image from someone else and made it my own through the painting.

So now that the originality confession is out of the way - on to process.

First - it's tracing time. I didn't really take pictures of that - but I did of the blank wall - and that's what you see here. Well- I've traced on it - but you can't really see it (kinda the point). . . moving on.

Then I painted the tree next. Generally, you want to paint the things in the background before you paint the foreground. That way you don't have to paint AROUND objects, you can just paint on TOP of objects. Makes for cleaner lines. As you can see though, I did leave blank spots for the owls that will come later. this allows clean lines - but not complete cover up. Because the wall was painted with a semi-gloss paint, and the paint I was using wasn't all that thick I needed to do several layers on some of the smaller branches.

Next - I painted the bottom color on all the leaves. Again with the whole - painting from the bottom up. I won't lie, all the textures scared me at first, but I just took it a step at a time. For the polka dots, I at first tried the bottom of a paint brush - but it wasn't uniform, and the dots were really small. Then I tried a small brush. Well that turned out not uniform and more oval than round. So I went to plan C. I remembered I had Q-tips in my purse. I busted out a few and viola!! I had to repaint with the base paint on the practice leaf, but from there it was gold. The big polka dot leaves were no problem with a normal brush and then came the plaid. I was was most nervous about these - but I ended up just doing a cross hatch pattern with a shade darker than the base, and when that was dry I painted a square of a shade darker than the cross hatch where they intersected. I didn't worry to much about straight lines. . I just went with the flow. :)

The first picture is the first layer - the next picture is the finished product for the leaves.

The next step was starting the owls. Now - I want to say that I took creative license when it came to the owls - between the colors and the design - but ultimately I liked the end product. The first picture you'll see is the start of them. My goal that night was to get the whole first layer done - but after painting all day, I was sore and tired - and dang it - I just wanted to sleep! hahaha. Just kidding. . . .anyways. Rant over. The next picture is of the complete first layer for them - with a cheat look at one of them completed. He was so cute - I just couldn't help myself. Then the last one is an up close after they were finished.

After this I added a few birds and butterflies around the room. I used the same process of layering. Starting with a solid bottom layer and then painting the design on top. I used the same colors and patters so as to tie them in rather than them be after thoughts plopped around the room.

This is a picture of the final tree with the birds, as well as one of the butterflies (He was my favorite!!) :)

Hope you enjoyed this step by step!! I've enjoyed sharing! Remember - anyone can do it - you just need a transparency machine! haha.

Never Once

2011-07-20T12:48:00.002-05:00

WOW!!! It's all I can say to these lyrics. Why have I never heard this song before. I hear these words and I cry for my kids in Russia because I know these words are true!

Verse 1
Standing on this mountaintop
Looking just how far we've come
Knowing that for every step
You were with us

Verse 2
Kneeling on this battle ground
Seeing just how much You've done
Knowing every victory
Is Your power in us

Pre-Chorus
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Yes, our hearts can say

Chorus 1
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Chorus 2
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Bridge
Scars and struggles on the way
But with joy our hearts can say
Never once did we ever walk alone
Carried by Your constant grace
Held within Your perfect peace
Never once, no, we never walk alone

Ending Chorus
Never once did we ever walk alone
Never once did You leave us on our own
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Every step we are breathing in Your grace
Evermore we'll be breathing out Your praise
You are faithful, God, You are faithful
You are faithful, God, You are faithful

Russia - 2011

2011-07-19T12:13:00.004-05:00

In many ways this trip started off bittersweet.

As a church we decided that this would be the last year that we would be supporting Lopuhinka, and making yearly trips. So honestly it was really hard getting excited for the trip. I knew that if I got excited the time would fly and then just like that - in the blink of an eye the trip would be over - and most likely the last time I get to see some of these kids this side of heaven - or ever. But God, who has a way of showing me up (I love that) would move in mighty mighty ways during our trip.

I'm going to go a little out of order with my pictures - just a friendly warning.

About a week - maybe less before our trip we got word that there would be considerably less kids at Lopuhinka than we were planning for. (We were told and therefore planned for 45 kids, and we were told they were only going to have 10 kids.) After speaking to the missions team Dee decided that it would be best if we go to an additional orphanage. If there truly were only 10 kids it would be one on one with them, and they would be ready for us to leave very quickly. I'll go into more about Lopuhinka in a later post - but this post is about Nikolsky - the second orphanage we visited.

When I heard we would be coming here my heart almost leaped out of my chest. Last year as an intern in Russia, one of the orphanages we went to was Nikolsky and I feel in love with all the kids there, but especially Dima. If I could have- I would have adopted him. There was also a little one named Nastia who had issues with soft bones, and then a little spitfire named Serosia, and don't get me started on little Sasha, who despite not having any teeth (all rotted out) had a smile that could light up a darkened city. I guess you could say I fell for all the kids there and you'd be right. . . but Dima for sure held it tighter than all the rest.

I was hopeful going back that I'd get to see him - but this is Russia after all and kids change, move, get adopted - no telling.

We got to Nikolsky and it was a while before I got to see the little ones. I was outside - looking longingly at their window - praying they would come out soon.

Then the joyous moment happened. They came out! First Serosia. I called his name and he RAN over and jumped in my arms. He started yelling at me in Russian asking if I remembered him and I told him of COURSE I remembered him!!! Then came Nastia. She'd grown up a LOT since last year - a lot taller. and while her arm still has a severe curve, and her legs still bowed - they didn't bow quite as much. I picked her up and hugged and kissed her, and then she just took my face in her hands and just looked at me.

The picture below is me holding both of them. I was actually carrying Nastia and then Serosia got jealous so of course I had to heft him up too. I don't know why I'm cracking up so much other than he CRACKED me up the whole time!

One of the days we were hanging out outside, Serosia grabbed a book (upside down mind you), plopped himself on my lap and started reading to me. And read he did!! So animated. He would get loud, and quiet, and put emphasis on different words. . .remember the book is UPSIDE DOWN. Then he turned the page and kept going. . . I didn't get a picture of it - but again - I was cracking up! So cute.

I asked the translator what he was saying, and she said he was talking nonsense - something about a queen, ball (dancing) and a horse. It was priceless. The picture is me listening intently to his story telling - pay no attention to the mass of grey hair!

If anyone reading this was in church on Sunday, Serosia was the one in Dee's story who said all good gifts come from God, even candy :)

By this point - I'm sure you're waiting with baited breath for pictures and reunion story for me and Dima. Sadly (well not really) two weeks prior Dima was adopted back by his father. I was told this was a good thing, and I know that God's watching out for him better than I ever could. As sad as I was - going back with family is always the goal, as long as it's a good situation and best for the children.

Sasha, I learned, had been moved to the special needs home, or hospital because of his eyes. Another girl named Natasha - who had piercing eyes was adopted - also a good thing.

There were 5 kids all together in the younger group, and working with them was like herding a pack of ferral cats!! It was so bad - one day we were on one on one defense - one person per child. hahaha. . . priceless. Seriously though - you turned your back and they were gone - Nastia (the one with the soft bone problem) would run to a nearby wall and climb it in the blink of an eye - it was craziness- but I loved every minute of it!

I didn't get to work with the older kids, but I did get to reconnect with some of them that I met last year, and they remembered me too. One of them, Natasha was new last year. This year she and another girl from last year - Luba - found me and Katie that first day and clung on. They didn't care that we didn't have translators - they just wanted to be near us, hugging us, and playing double double :)

On Carnival night I got to share about God's never ending love with Natasha. She had wanted a heart on her face.

Pause the story for a minute. I have a confession - face painting is the PERFECT time to talk to people - kids - about the Lord because they HAVE to be still and can't help but listen. My problem is that I get too engrossed in whatever I'm painting that I completely forget. In walk Anya - one of our translators.

Resume story.

Anya told me to ask Natasha what a heart meant. . and Natasha's answer was of course LOVE. From that point on I know it wasn't me - it was God through me because I would have never thought to say what I said next. I asked her if she thought love was forever. She looked at me and without blinking she said no. I hurt so bad for this girl who'd been screwed by the system, her parents, her situation, the world. I looked her in the eyes and I told her that I know it seems like love is only temporary but there is someone who loves her more than she could ever understand and his love NEVER leaves, it never gives up and never falters.

I continued talking to her about the love of God. She said she knew who Jesus was, and what he did for her, but it was still hard for her to accept that love was forever. I can't blame her - when everything in her life is to the contrary. I still pray for her daily, every time I look at the bracelet she gave me. I pray that the Lord would continue sending people to her - people that would continue telling her of the amazing, never ending, stable, strong, passionate love of God.

The picture below is of Katie and Natasha.

There are so many stories I could share with you - but I'll save them for another time - but they do include 2 new members to the Christian faith!! Thank you Jesus! I will say - it was amazing getting to see the fruit come to fruition. I love planting and watering the seeds - but it was so. .. . well there are no words when you see a girl you've been praying for for three years accept Christ and burst into tears.

God truly is MIGHTY to save!!

Until next time :)

May May go away - please don't come back another day.

2011-05-27T16:51:00.001-05:00

To say this month has been hard is like saying the universe is large. Ok, well maybe I’m being a little over dramatic, and maybe I’m a little pms’y – but I need to get this out. I haven’t been journaling much lately and all my frustrations are building and I just feel angry all the time – so this is me getting it all out.

So my month started with the possibility of getting a new job only to have that pulled out from beneath me. There’s still the intention of hiring me on from this person, but at this point I’m not holding my breath. I’m still looking at other options but I don’t think there’s much I can do until I get back from Russia.

Why am I leaving yet another job you might be asking yourself. . . well there are several reasons.

1. It’s in Brookshire – AKA – beyond Egypt, or over 30 miles one way with a toll each way. The gas and tolls are killing me. And While moving to where we moved to helped to get us off the toll – I still have about $3 a day going to and from work. Oh and have I mentioned that gas is killing me!!!

2. My brain is dying. I’m so bored with what I’m doing that I can literally feel my brain cells dying of boredom. I read technical jargon all day and move excel lines. . . Nothing challenging and nothing new except for the occasional special project.

3. There is no standard from or for anyone. What is right for one person is not right for another, and the quality of work expected from one person is not the same as for someone else. You may turn in work one day that is exceptional to one person and then turn in the exact same report to someone else (many times even the same person) another day and it’s full of terrible horrible no good very bad mistakes. Who can work like that.

Without boring anyone more I’ll leave it at that. So while I would love to have another job to go to before Russia I have a feeling I’ll be back afterwards. At least at that point I can seriously look.

Then it turned to, well actually happening at the same time we were dealing with the retired lady above our apt.

Here’s a little history. We have three dogs. I have one and my sister has two. One of the reasons we moved to this complex was so we could be on the bottom floor. Yes the limit is only 2 dogs. I know this, I realize there are rules for a reason, and no I don’t need people commenting that we shouldn’t have gotten three dogs at one time .. . . all this I know.

SOOOO anyways – on to the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us.

As I previously mentioned the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us is retired and sleeps all day. She hasn’t learned that NIGHT TIME is when you’re supposed to sleep – but whatever. And the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us doesn’t own a tv or radio so it’s absolutely silent in her apt. No little noise makers, no little water fountain things. . .nothing. So what does the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us have to do other than complain. And she does. FIRST the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us stomps on our ceiling to get our dogs barking (this I’ve personally heard on many occasions while I’ve been home during the week). The terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us antagonizes our dogs and then complains about it. So much so that they are now having to move us! When the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us first started complaining (on the FIRST DAY WE WERE THERE) we went out and got muzzles and a sonic noise maker to help with the barking – but this was not good enough for the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us. No – she says they STILL bark and it’s causing her heart issues and she’s going to have to go to the emergency room for it. It’s stressing that poor old terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us so much that her health is in peril. So it was either the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us move or us move. The complex asked the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us if she wanted to move- and as expected she didn’t want to – so we’re forced to move.

This is where it gets good. NOT.

So when we signed the lease we only signed on two of our dogs, and didn’t tell them about the third. But the last time they barked they were all barking and all three were heard by a leasing consultant. She confronted Rachel who confirmed we were in fact breaking the rules by having three dogs. So then because of the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us and all her complaining and antagonizing, and since we were found out – we were given an ultimatum. We either move out of Camden completely or we get rid of one of the dogs. This stirred up MANY hateful feelings in me for several reasons. There are other leasing consultants who live in the complex who ALSO have THREE dogs and yet they can live there, and the fact that there was no way we could afford to NOT live at Camden where we get the discount.

So the third bad thing that happened this month was me having to find a new home for Duke. Have I mentioned I’m harboring some MAJOR BAD FEELINGS for the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us!! Again I realize we were in the wrong in the first place, but we had NO ISSUES for the year prior at our old apt. It was only because the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us is home all day with nothing better to do that to antagonize our dogs.

So when I found this out yesterday I immediately went to Laura, the girl I got him from- and within five minutes (literally) she had three people interested. Hopefully one of them will work out. She has vouched for them and I trust her so I know he’ll be going to a good home – I’m just very sad and again ticked off at the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady above us.

Some of you may be wondering why I have to get rid of Duke and why Rach can’t get rid of one of her dogs. Well the answer is this. Actually let me make this perfectly clear first – Rachel absolutely, positively did NOT make me get rid of Duke. In fact she was trying to find any other solution possible to make it work to where we keep him. She knew and said over and over, I can’t make you get rid of him when I’m not willing to get rid of any of my dogs.

So the reasons I decided to find a new home for Duke. He was the one who barked the most and was the most destructive (though he’s gotten much much better).

So within the month of May I have had and lost a new potential job, will have to move and get rid of my dog, and have had to deal with the terrible horrible no good very bad retired lady upstairs.

June – please be better!!!!

Change in the Making - Addison Road

2011-04-05T13:10:00.003-05:00

There are many times when a song will speak to me - as you can tell from all the songs I've posted on here - and Addison Road is becoming a staple - their lyrics - it's like they're reading my mind sometimes - or saying things that I never knew I needed to say. Today the song - to me - is continuing with all the changes that are going on in my life . . . the good, the bad and in between. I'm a Change in the Making - but I am Redemption's Story (I love that line - Redemption's Story!) Look up the song - iTunes it, youtube it - whatever - but listen to the words and let it be true. God know's the mess we are and he wants to mold us and make us into who He created us to be - why don't you let him!~

There's a better version of me
That I can't quite see
But things are gonna change
Right now I'm a total mess and
Right now I'm completely incomplete
But things are gonna change
'Cause you're not through with me yet

Chorus:
This is a redemption's story
With every step that I'm taking
Every day, you're chipping away
What I don't need

This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I'm closer to who I'm meant to be
I'm a change in the making

Wish I could live more patiently
Wish I could give a little more of me
Without stopping to think twice
Wish I had faith like a little child
Wish I could walk a single mile
Without tripping on my own feet

Chorus:
This is a redemption's story
With every step that I'm taking
Every day, you're chipping away
What I don't need

This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I'm closer to who I'm meant to be
I'm a change in the making

From the dawn of history
You make new and you redeem
From a broken world to a broken heart
You finish what you start in everything

Like a river rolls into the sea
We're not who we're going to be
But things are going to change

I'm living a redemption's story
With every step that I'm taking
Every day, you're chipping away
What I don't need

This is me under construction
This is my pride being broken
And every day I'm closer to who I'm meant to be
I'm a change in the making

I'm a change in the making
I'm not who I'm going to be
I'm moving closer to your glory

Changes

2011-03-23T12:37:00.002-05:00

Life is full of them . . . can I get an AMEN!!

Good, bad, lateral, good that turn to bad later, and horrible that turn out better than you could ever have dreamed.

Regardless they're everywhere and sometimes even come in multiples.

That's the case with me presently. Changes in multiples.

Let me start at the very beginning. . .it's a very good place to start after all ;-) (it's so good to be back to writing!!)

I have been a member of my church - Grand Parkway since I was in middle school - for those of you doing the math - that's three years of middle school, four years of high school, and I've been graduated for about eleven years!! All in all about 18 years. That's madness people. That means I've been going to Grand Parkway longer than I haven't.

Grand Parkway is my home. Filled with people who love me and know me and visa versa. People who will call me on my crap in love (Marcie - I love you for that and will forever be grateful.)

You know - that deserves a paragraph of it's own . . this is MY blog after all.

One of the most amazing women I have ever had the honor and privilege to know and be able to call friend is Marcie. Truly she is a woman after God's own heart, and she is one of the role models in my life for what a woman of God, and Godly mother should look like. The love she has for her children is physically visible when they enter the room - her eyes light up and fill with love. The love she has for the people around her is obvious in the way she doesn't shy away from those that others might. Her love of the Word of God is obvious every time she speaks. It was after going through a bible study with her, and then that fateful night at coffee where she kicked my tush in love and I have never forgotten it, that my life changed. I love that fact that she loved me enough to bruise me to keep me from bleeding. I love that she spoke refreshing truth into my life and told me to GET UP. Talitha Koum. It was from then that I started the journey of living out what that means.

Getting up and not waiting on someone to come along and pick me up. Me getting up and following where God leads, not along with someone else. . . but me.

I could tell you countless stories of other amazing people I have gotten to know at my church, people with a passion for missions, a passion for God's word, sweet sweet people with a heart to let girls know that they are beautiful just the way they are and that their weight or what they do or don't put in their mouth doesn't make them beautiful. (Amy!!). Amazing musicians, amazing youth, kids, "mature" adults, receptionists who I let get away with calling me BeccaDinkyDo and am sad when she doesn't because I know it's her way of showing she cares. To say I love my church is an understatement. I love their heart, their passion for the Lord, and for the Truth.

THIS is why I have been fighting God for some time now. The changes I spoke about earlier are the places God is currently leading me - or has been trying to lead me.

At Grand Parkway I'm a part of the missions team, I work in the nursery, and I help back in the sound booth as needed. Starting immediately I'm stepping down off the missions team, and then in a few months I'll step off the children's team, and then after my mission trip this summer I will officially begin looking for a new church. Not church home mind you . .. but new temporary church.

I need to be around people who are my age and are in the same place in life. People to do life with. . .and putting myself out there to find the Mr. that God has for me. I want to make this perfectly clear. . I am NOT going man hunting. . that is not why I'm leaving. I am leaving because God has told me to go, and I need to be apart of a small group with people my age. If a Mr. is part of that then AMEN but I'm not man hunting. Just had to throw that out there.

There have already been tears on the part of the two families that I babysit for. Families that BETTER keep calling me!! There have been tears on my part . . I don't do alone so well or new so well. This is a step of faith and a change that I'm most definitely ends up better than I could have ever imagined.

Here's to Change.

Show Me - Audrey Assad

2011-03-22T12:29:00.000-05:00

You could plant me like a tree beside a river
You could tangle me in soil and let my roots run wild
And I would blossom like a flower in the desert
But for now just let me cry

You could raise me like a banner in a battle
Put victory like a fire behind my shining eyes
And I would drift like falling snow over the embers
But for now just let me lie

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die

Set me like a star before the morning
Like a song that steals the darkness from a world asleep
And I'll illuminate the path You've laid before me
But for now just let me be

Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
Oh, not before You show me how to die

So let me go like a leaf upon the water
Let me brave the wild currents flowing to the sea
And I will disappear into a deeper beauty
But for now just stay with me
God, for now just stay with me

Credits :
songwriters: assad, audrey; hart, sarah
© river oaks music company;spiritandsong.com

Fall

2010-11-05T16:42:00.004-05:00

I love the fall.

I love the weather (well - how the weather SHOULD be)
I love the colors
I love the energy in the air
I love curling up in thick blankets
I love the turkey
I love the parade
I love the family time
I love the cute pics you can get of your nephew

I love the fall!

The End

Restless

2010-11-03T12:37:00.001-05:00

In my last post I mentioned being uncomfortable where I was at - well maybe that wasn't the best word.

Monday night there were thunderstorms and my dog Duke couldn't seem to lay down and go to sleep. He'd be down and then hear something, get up and walk around, then by the time he finally laid down again he'd hear something or see the lightning and he'd be up again. He was restless. He knew that things were different than they had been before and he was on alert.

That's a little more along the lines (I think) of how I feel. I'm not in trouble, I don't think anythings terribly wrong, there's just something different coming and I'm on alert.

Then I found this song thanks to an amazing blog I follow about this families struggles as they tried to adopt from over in Africa. It's a heart wrenching story, but through it all God is glorified and lifted up. She posted this song a few days ago, and while I just read the post I think goes along with what's going on in me.

Restless

You dwell in the songs that we are singing
Rising to the Heavens
Rising to Your heart
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between and frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart

And I’m restless
I’m restless
‘Til I rest in You, 'Til I rest in you
(Oh God I wanna rest in You)

Oh speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me
Whisper in the dark
‘Cause I know You’re more than my salvation
Without You I am hopeless
Tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart

Still my heart
Hold me close
Let me hear a still small voice
Let it grow
Let it rise
Into a shout
Into a cry

I am restless until I rest in You

Written by Audrey Assad and Matt Maher
© 2010 River Oaks Music Company (BMI)
Matt Maher Publishing Designee
(Admin. by EMI CMG Publishing)

53 days and 8 hours

2010-11-01T15:53:00.002-05:00

For those that care :-)

Lately I've been in that kind of place where I feel like I am every so often. I feel like I'm on the brink of where God wants me but not quite there. I don't feel like I'm OUT of His will - just not perfectly in it. He has given me so many gifts; my artistic ability, my servant attitude, ability to lead and follow. . . but I'm not in a place where they are being used. Right now I'm in a job I like - but I do nothing but sit behind a computer all day and read reports. I'm not complaining, mind you. I am VERY grateful for a job, especially when there are many people who don't have one - but sometimes I just feel like I was made for something more.

The closest I've felt to being fully in God's will was when I was in Russia, well more specifically being with those kids who were thrown away. Making sure they knew that they were seen, worth something, and loved by God.

Since coming back, and changing jobs, that desire to work with kids who have been abandoned has not gone away. I started looking into ways I can do that kind of work here in the states, and while America doesn't have orphanages, there is no shortage for "children's homes" (translation - orphanages).

America uses the foster care system which can either be a hit or miss. HIT when you have a family that TRULY loves the children they welcome into their home, and when they work to help the child/children through the craziness that has been their life. MISS when you get greedy corrupt people who foster just for the money, and could care less about the well being of the children placed with them.

Children's homes can range anywhere from kids who have truly been orphaned, to those who are either in a bad situation at home, or need help away from home.

I've been looking into Girls and Boys Country, a boys and girls home near the Houston area. It's a Christian based campus that houses children from ages 5 to 18 years. I've started looking into what it would take to be a house parent, and while most places don't allow single house parents (I agree FULLY with this, same reason why I would never adopt without being married - but that's a whole other post), Boys and Girls Country allows singles to join in with current families to be the relief parent on the days that the "Parents" have off. I have been looking for the past month or so into different children's homes, and this is the first place that even mentions allowing singles to work there. I'm still looking into reviews for Boys and Girls Country - to see if it really is what it claims to be, but things I've found so far are good.

I don't yet know what I'm looking for ultimately, but I'm going to keep praying, and looking, and searching, and researching. My prayer is that if I'm not where I'm supposed to be that God would continue to make me uncomfortable until I'm where he wants me to be, and if I AM currently where I'm supposed to be, that I would learn to be content where I'm at.

I think that's enough for this rant.

60 Days 11 hours and 30 Min

2010-10-25T12:22:00.001-05:00

I'm just sayin - it's coming fast - are you ready?

Travelling Intercession

2010-10-19T12:00:00.002-05:00

Recently I thought about what it would be like to really take what the bible says about prayer seriously. Pray without ceasing and praying for others. What would that look like, how would my life change if I actively started living and doing life on purpose.

What would it look like if others joined in and we tracked our prayer coverage.

Well that's where Travelling Intercessors came from.

I'm not going to go much into detail because I explain everything on the site, I just wanted to extend the invite to all those out there to join in.

What great encouragement to see people praying all over the country, in other countries around the world.

There is a link to the site on the top left hand side of my blog - but you can also click here.

Why

2010-09-10T16:00:00.005-05:00

Why is it that I think about my kids in Russia every day - but I haven't blogged about them.

Why can't I find other words than - "the trip was amazing" when people ask.

Why can't I look at my pictures without aching.

Why do I feel like I haven't processed what happened this summer.

Why have I been in a funk/procrastinating/blah/sullen mood.

Why.

I'll tell you why. I've been thinking a lot about it and the only thing I can come up with is I'm a stubborn child. I know that is shocking to everyone who knows me. But it's true. I'm stubborn.

God didn't tell me the answer I wanted to hear so I have been in constant pout mode since I heard his answer. Oh, it comes and goes, and I'm not diving into deep depression or anything, I've just been . .. well for lack of a better word - blah.

I truly, in the depths of my soul, felt that I was called to Russia, and while I'm still praying that way and am open if God ever calls me to go (like bags are packed - I'm there). But during the trip - the answer was no. I think I shared on here before, but since it's been so long, and I can't remember, and I'm too lazy to go check - here's the story.

So leading up to the trip, I had felt called to go to Russia. I had been praying towards it for so long - well about a year. I had people praying for me - people I didn't even know. (just found that out a few weeks ago. - a lady, whom I'd never seen before at church, grabbed me by the arm and told me that she had been praying for me all summer. Crazy and amazing all at the same time :) )

Anyways - fast forward to sitting on the bus on the way to Lopuhinka talking to Olga, our trip "guide/translator". I was sitting there pouring out my heart to her and all that I felt God calling me to - from moving there to work in the baby hospital, to work I'd want to do with the graduates. For about 10 min I rambled on and on - all the while she's looking at me nodding and smiling and then she casually says "Oh no, Americans can't live in Russia". And that was that. End of conversation. I shrugged it off thinking to myself, she doesn't know me and where God is calling me.

That night I'm laying in bed praying for an answer about moving to Russia as a missionary. Asking God for a clear yes or no - a blatant - unmistakable answer.

The next day I start talking to one of our translators, who works in the orphanages on a regular basis, again pouring out my heart to her. And sure enough, about 10 min in she looks at me and says - oh no - "Americans can not come to Russia to live". I think to myself - geesh - did they script out their answers? End of conversation.

Again that night I prayed that God would be VERY clear on where I was supposed to be - yet in the back of my mind I was "secretly" hoping his answer would be yes. (secretly - obviously not to Him)

Very clearly the Lord spoke to me and said - I already gave you My answer - TWICE. If you don't want to listen then I'll stop talking, but you have my answer.

Hmmm. I started thinking about what that could mean, and those two conversations came to my mind. He used people who lived in the country, who worked with my kids, who knew the system to tell me my answer, but because it wasn't the one I was looking for I stopped listening.

It didn't happen right away, and I don't even think it happened while I was gone - but when I got back it really started sinking in. Deep in. To my core - in. To the part in my heart where all my kids are held close and safe. The part where I had hoped I would be able to go back and hold them, love on them, and continue to show them God's love through my arms.

While I was there I guess I didn't let myself think about it. I focused on the task at hand - letting these kids know about the One who brings them hope, the One who loves them unconditionally, the One who sees them and values them when no one else in their life does.

No - it was when I got back that it happened. It slowly crept into every part of my life. I started feeling blah about everything, I didn't want to do anything, I didn't really want to talk to people about my trip. My quiet times eventually began to suffer, as did my prayer times until I was giving God my version of the silent treatment.

I was never in a deep deep depression, I think it was more disappointment. And not even that He didn't give me what I wanted, but that I was so SURE I knew what he was calling me to - apparently not. I started doubting. Not my faith, but my ability to hear God through all my wants and desires. Then it turned into a fear of giving Him anything else in case I lost that too.

Again - reading back over this it sounds like I was having this huge crisis of faith, I wasn't. I. .. I can't really put it into words. I was just having a low time where I needed to pout for a bit and then talk it out with God.

There were many conversations with God on the long drive to work in the morning, once I started talking to him again ;-) where I would start praying, feel myself hold back, and then confess it out that I was scared to trust him with it. I mean, moving to Russia was one of the most important things I had ever prayed for and I was wrong in what I thought he was telling me, why would I want to do that again. But soon I began confessing that fear as soon as it came up and eventually it was no longer an issue any more.

So that's where I'm at after this summer's adventure.

No worse for the wear, and actually on a deeper level with my Lord than I was before I left.

Even this post has taken me some time to write. I started it back in the beginning of September, but I don't think I was ready to finish it then. I am now. (the date is still September - but I finished this 15 October 2010.)

So if you know me, ask me about Russia. Ask me about Dima, and Vagif, and Oksana, and Nikita, and Xena. . .and all the others. Ask me about my favorite parts, ask me about the hardest parts. I'm ready to talk now.

Hopefully this means the desert that has been my blog will begin to revive and blossom. Don't know what it will look like - but surely it will be more than one every other month :)

Lopuhinka as promised.

2010-08-09T12:54:00.003-05:00

Leaving the Hotel Moscow, I was filled with conflicting emotions. I was thrilled to be able to see my kids after what seemed like an eternity, to hold them, hug them, and show them by me being there that I hadn't forgotten them. On the other side of that coin I was hesitant to get too excited. I had seen first hand the hurt that was caused by unmet expectations. Expecting to pick right up with the kids where you left off - but that not being the case. There are many reasons for that I'm sure - kids growing up and it not being the "cool" thing to do any more - or harder still - them not wanting to feel abandoned again because the first time you left was like when their parent left.

So as we drove I fought with my emotions so that I wouldn't become overly excited or too upset over the prospect of having different relationships with some of my kids.

As we arrived we were greeted by a group of kids. In the 15 or so faces - there were only a few that I recognized. We later learned that there was a group of them off at camp, and there were many that were no longer there (to this day I STILL need to sit down with Susan to find out the deal!)

The kids helped us to our rooms. The beds were the same, as were the blankets, sheets, bathrooms (doorless showers/toilets and all). I really did feel like I was home. Don't really know how to put it into words other than it was so familiar and comfortable. I felt like I had always been there and could always be there.

The kids that were there from before had grown up so much. Not really in height or maturity but. . . they seemed older. Like life demanded more years from them than they had to give. There's a hierarchy here at this orphanage that we didn't see in too many of the other places that I think contributes quite a bit. I saw some of the kids this year that seemed so young last year be taken by the older kids to do what older kids do . . .smoke (I'm sure among other things that I didn't see). It nearly broke my heart - but I can say it's been a long time - probably about a year since I prayed so fervently.

For the last three days I decided to take a queue from the youth pastor at my church (who took his queue from the march around Jericho) and walked around the building 7 times every morning (rain or shine). I would pray for the kids, the director, the future involvement our church would have with Lopuhinka and just crying out to God, and to the Holy Spirit to use the words my heart was screaming for these kids. I would listen to music as I walked and the song - "God of this City" came on and it became my hearts cry.

Greater things are yet to come

Greater things are still to be done in this city (read Lopuhinka)

Greater things are yet to come

Greater things are still to be done

In my soul I knew that God was not done with Lopuhinka - or with me and Lopuhinka. I also knew that even if my church decided that they would no longer be able to work with Lopuhinka I would continue in one way or another. I don't know what that looks like, or how that would be possible - but God is a big God - I'm pretty sure he can work out the details.

There's more thing I want to share - well MANY but really more for today and then the novel will be put on the shelf for another day.

The first was about Vagif - the boy in the picture from my previous post. This was a boy that captured my heart last year, and he was the one I was looking forward to seeing most this year (since I knew that Oksana had already graduated). He, unfortunately wasn't there when we arrived and there was no way of telling if he was one of the ones at camp or not. I prayed and prayed that I would see him, but I knew that God had a plan for my time there and I wanted to be present for the kids who were there, so I purposed it in my heart that I would be. A few days later I got the news that the campers would come back for a one day reprieve and then be resent out to another camp. I still didn't know if he would be one of the ones to come back but the little flame of hope began to burn a little brighter in my heart.

I was in a meeting with the interns when Julie came busting in the room to tell me that she had just met Vagif!! Are you kidding me!! I was so excited - I wanted to run down right then but I couldn't. I did spend then next few minutes thanking and praising God that he was safe, that I would get to see him, and to have Him help me temper my emotions so that if he didn't remember me I wouldn't be crushed. Well I saw him while everyone was in a big group and I went up to hug him. He turned around but I think I had scared him cause he just kind of looked at me. Ugh. My heart dropped a little, but not as much if I hadn't prepared myself.

Later that afternoon I was heading up the stairs by myself when who do you think was coming down - but my Vagif. He looked at me and his face lit up with his smile from ear to ear showing off his two deep dimples. He called my name, grabbed me into a bear hug and kissed my cheek. To say I was undone would be an understatement. Oh my Vagif. Left behind while his family moved out of the country - my heart called him my own. I would never leave him behind - and I could/DO love him like he's my own (but that's a whole other story for another time).

My time with him was short since he was leaving the following day. As he said good-bye I held back the tears that threatened to burst behind the dam. He had already loaded into the van and I went to the window to say my final good-bye. I held up my hand to the window and he put his on to match, and then I put up my other hand and he put his other up to match. I then began the moving my fingers as he moved his and visa versa. Communicating in the only way we knew how. His eyes were so sad and my dam was weaking. I finally had to pull myself away - as I said das vidana and he said it back I took off for the cafeteria. The dam finally broke and I went straight to the ugly cry as my pastor and his wife call it. It was more than that actually. I was weeping for the boyhood he's lost, for the things he's had to endure and will have to endure. My soul cried out to God for this little boy and my voice echoed those cries.

Finally I was able to pull it together, but my heart has not stopped crying out for him - I don't think I ever will. I hope I never will.

So that's all I have time for today - tomorrow I'll fill you in on God's response to my prayers about moving to Russia full time.

As promised

2010-08-06T12:40:00.005-05:00

There's not really a good place to start this little (read long) story so I'll just start from the beginning.

I left for St. Petersburg, Russia, or St. Pete for those of us who are chummy like that. The flight was just like I remembered, though thankfully not near as hot. I was in a different part of the plane than the rest of my group, which ended up being beneficial considering there were screaming children back with them the entire time. I'm not kidding either - I'm talking SCREAMING twins - who once we landed in Germany continued to follow us around - continuing to SCREAM!!!!! Anyways - back to the flight. I had the window seat which was nice - last time I had an aisle, not bad, but I just like looking outside and watching as we take off and land. The gentleman on the aisle did not have as pleasant a flight as most. He was at least 6' 7" and literally had to fold his legs in to get into the seat, and getting up was a HUGE ordeal for him. As we were loading the plane he called his wife and said (and I quote) "I'm getting a new job, Coach SUCKS". He was Mr. Grumpy Pants the whole time - though I can hardly blame him. It was hard enough for him to get into the seat when the person in front had her seat upright. Then she decided that she wanted to lean it back. Needless to say Mr. GP spent 85% of the trip standing or walking around.

The rest of the flight was standard. 3 movies, food, drink (no ice), more food, smelly people by you who like to sleep with their arms over their heads. . .. and more food. Seriously I felt like all I did was eat on the flight. But props to me - made it my second year in a row without going to the bathroom on the flight (either one!!) Woot Woot!!!!!

We landed in Germany where we were going to meet up with the rest of the intern team. It was interesting to say the least. I had only met this group of people one time and that was several months prior. The only thing I could compare being in the middle of both groups to is inviting both your school and church friends to a party. You're stuck in the middle trying to balance time with both, not wanting to leave the other out.

Both groups though seemed to mesh pretty well. I mean come on, we were all there for the same reason, so there should be no reason that there is any awkwardness or standoff behavior. We played Farkle and Toss the Pigs as a big group to pass the time until the next flight. The next flight was pretty uneventful and soon I was back in my beloved Motha Russia :)

Natasia and Olga met us at the airport and took us to the Hotel Moscow (yes it's called that while located in St. Pete - I don't ask questions). The hallways were the same as I remembered - LOOOONG!! But it was ok because I was, you know - funny thing, just then I wanted to write home. . .. but more on that later. It was ok because it was familiar and I knew that the following day I would be with my kids.

So that's all for now. Tomorrow you get more on Lopuhinka. But I will leave you with these pictures because they're two of my three all time favorites from this trip. . . .and maybe EVER.

This is me and Vagif!!

He could totally be my son - don't you think?

This is Oksana.

Didn't see her at Lopuhinka but God totally planned a divine appointment for us to see each other this year. More on her when I talk about Camp (aka - Lord of the Flies).

So much to talk about - but where to begin.

2010-08-05T12:35:00.002-05:00

I don't have much time - but I did want you to know that I DID indeed make it to Russia and back from Russia.

So many things have happened there, and here . . . too much to process, talk about, and think about now - just didn't want you to think I had forgotten you - or my blog. I haven't.

Hopefully I'll be able to update this little beauty tonight - if not tonight then tomorrow for sure.

I promise there will be talks of Russia - and pictures of my kids - break your heart some of them. There will be talks of where I'm at now - answers to questions about Russia full time, and more.

blog-ya later.

Becca

28 Days 11 hours 18 min (so the min part was only accurate at the time I wrote the title - but you get the gist!!)

2010-05-19T08:02:00.005-05:00

Seriously - where does the time go?

Part of me feels like I am completely ready and I wish I were there right now, while the other part of me wishes I could pull of Zach from Saved by the Bell and freeze time so I don't have to deal with work, or the dogs, or the bills, or the cleaning and just prepare myself for Russia.

Well since that's not a reality, I'm going to have to learn a way to work within reality.

What about you - do you ever feel conflicted about wanting time to speed up and yet freeze at the same time. Parent out there - do you ever feel that with your kids? I don't have kids - but I can imagine that you in the same breath and thought want them to stay sweet and young forever - but also grow up and get out of diapers, potty trained, out of the house. . . .fill in the blank ;)

My goal is to get at least 4 things marked off my list per week and hopefully by the time the 17th rolls around everything will be completed. Here's to hoping!

Oh My Blog!!

2010-05-13T18:31:00.003-05:00

So I was nominated by AMY for a Blog award. (You guys should head over and check out her blog!! She has great songs each day - except when she misses two days in row - but I won't hold that against her!! :) )

The Rules when you win the award are as follows:

1. You must - Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER! Whoop whoop! (Check)

2. Choose ONE of the following options of accepting the OMB award:

Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus. (haven't had a sip of alchohol in my life - not gonna start now - sorry)
Write about your most embarrassing moment. (So SOOOOO many to choose from)
Write a “Soundtrack of your childhood” post. That would be incredible depressing - (no one needs to hear that.)
Make your next blog a ‘vlog’/video blog. Basically, you’re talking to the camera about whatever. (I'm going to pull an Amy and say that I don't like seeing pictures of myself let alone video. Sorry.)
Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (hair, make up, etc) and post it. (I have always wanted to do this. well not this exactly. But I can look so different with makeup, without, with straight hair, with curly, up do, down do, bump it. . . . it makes me laugh - but that will be for another time.)

3 . Pass the award on to at least three, but preferably more, awesome bloggers as yourself. Don’t forget to tell them. Easy Peasy: I choose:

Laura Beadle

Beautiful Mess - AKA Jen

Claire Harvey

Lindsey Feldpausch

I'm not kidding people - these are some great blogs!! If you're not already be privy to them you should check them out!!

On to the embarrassing part. Not gonna lie - was hoping you would have forgotten it- but since mostly I'm a rule follower here you go.

This is something that haunts me even to this day, and while most of you who read this might go - that was over 20 years ago, you were 7 - who cares - who even remembers but you . . . I do and it's my story so there :)

Ok - "The scene" I was 7 years old and sitting in Sunday School class, not unlike every other Sunday before - since the time I was born. We had already had snack, already done the felt board story, already done the craft (oh yeah - old school baptist!) and it was time for prayer. Everyone gave their prayer requests and then it was time to pray.

"THE Incident" I was asked to pray for the memorial golf tournament for a girls grandfather. Now being 7, AND a girl - the only thing I knew about golf was that it was a REALLY good thing to get a hole in one. So. . . that's exactly what I prayed. "Dear Jesus - help Lindsey's grandfather get a hole in one. Amen".

"The reality" When the prayers from all the kids were over there was snickering and looking at me and pointing, and then the announcement from the teacher, "Rebecca, Lindsey's grandfather has passed away. A memorial is for someone who has died". I could not have been more embarrassed that I prayed for a dead guy to get a hole in one. . . I'm sure my face turned all shades of red.

"The Aftereffects" Needless to say I didn't go back to that class for at least 3 months. My parents would drop me off at the kids building and I would go hide in the sanctuary under the structure they built for the video camera. To this day - I HATE praying out loud. I don't know if it's subconsciously I revert back to that 7 year old freaked out that she's going to pray that someone's dead relative to get a hole in one or what, but I break out in sweaty palms, my voice shakes and I could probably wet myself if I lost concentration (ok - maybe a little to much - but you get the gist - I don't like it).

So there you have it folks - it wasn't the shot heard round the world, but it was the prayer that continues to haunt me.

What about you? Anything embarrassing you'd like to share? Come now - we're all friends here!

Day 2 of No Diet Coke

2010-05-06T18:23:00.002-05:00

I will say this day was a little harder. The headaches started today - and I didn't take my Excedrin Migraine early enough. I've had worse I will say, but it was enough to make me miserable in my meeting that was late in the afternoon.

But, a few hours later and the headache is gone. I'm pretty sure I've drunk my dogs weight in water today (he weighs less than me - but still a lot :) ) but they say waters good for you - so oh well.

It's weird - part of me thought the closer to the trip I got the more anxious I'd get. I mean it's a month gone - away from my family, work, my dog, friends. . . . but I have this excited peace (is that an oxi-moron?)

I am looking forward to this trip and all that God is going to do at Lopuhinka and all the new locations we'll be visiting. I'm excited to do life with all my new friends - aka other interns. And I'm not worried about the after - I just have a peace that God is going to be very clear.

God of the Universe, Father to the fatherless, Provider to those without, Seer of all, Listener to those who cry out - Jesus. Going through what I went through earlier in my life was so horrible at the time. I couldn't figure out why I was such a mess, and why I had to go through that - but I know now. You made it clear to me, and showed me in a tangible way that you SEE me. You KNOW me. You LOVE me. Insignificant, small, alone, little me. You saw me in my despair when I was invisible to all others. You SAW me. I felt it. Know it to my core. And now I rest in that. Thank you that I can now go to these precious children and tell them with 100% certainty that they are not alone in their pain. You SEE them, You are calling them by name, You won't leave them alone. Thank you Lord Jesus for taking me on that journey as hard as it was at the time, and thank you for all those kids who will get to experience your love this summer through what you have done through me. Cause it is all You and nothing to do with me.

43 More Days - 8 hours

2010-05-05T07:24:00.003-05:00

So the real countdown has begun for the Russia - I've stopped drinking Diet Coke.

If you know me - or have been following me for any length of time you know that this is huge - I'm talking Mt. Everest.

See I don't drink anything else really. Sure I'll have the occasional Dr. Pepper or Sprite when there is nothing else around (and by nothing else I mean Diet Coke). But I don't like them. They suffice because they have to.

And I don't drink Diet Coke because it's diet - I drink it because it's the only soda that I really like the taste of. I've been addicted for years - and I don't use the term addicted lightly. I am fully addicted which is why I'm starting the detox now.

If last year was any indication I'll have about 2 weeks of crazy bad headaches - migraines :(( The alternative is to go through the headaches when I'm with the kids in Russia and that's just not acceptable. So I'm starting now - cold turkey (cause that's just how I roll - either do your business or get off the pot. Settled Intent)

It makes me laugh that everyone says I should stay off the stuff - that I'll feel so much better once I'm off it. I've gotten off before and I've always gone back to it. Not because after 4 months I'm still addicted, but because it's the only drink I really like the taste of. I don't like water and I don't like the add in stuff to it. I don't like tea. I don't like lemonade. I like apple juice and orange juice but really - how much of that can a person drink - especially a person who would drink upwards of 6-8 per day.

Nah - I'll come back to it when I come back from Russia. And if God moves me over there full time then I'll figure out what I'll do then ;)

Settled Intent.

I'm NOT going to drink anything with caffeine until I get back from Russia.
Me and Excedrin Migraine are going to be buddies but I can do it.

For a face like this - who couldn't put down something for a time?

48 days and counting

2010-04-29T07:30:00.002-05:00

I'm really excited about my internship this summer if you couldn't tell. I think what most excites me is that we will be spending quite some time at a new orphanage in Volcove (not sure of the spelling). They are so far out that they get no visitors hardly ever and we get to spend I believe a full week there!

So the plan is to go back to Lopuhinka and then towards the end of the week head out to Volcove, and then from there head to St. Pete where we will be staying at the University and visiting #2 and #15. Normally the orphanages are named for the towns/villages they are in - but St. Pete has so many they have to number them.

Please be praying for all the kids we are going to get to meet. Pray that they somehow comprehend the reason we flew half way across the world for them. Pray that if they hear/feel nothing else they understand that they are not forgotten, and that they are loved not only by earthly people but most importantly by God. The one who sees them and knows them each by name.

Pray for the interns going:
Jennifer - was a Kroger manager but is praying for the new direction that God is leading her in. Wants to work with orphans in some fashion.
Rene - mom of 2 and the first time she's been out of the country. She is still short on funds, but has faith that God is going to provide!
Kelly - went on the Russian internship last year. Has a true heart for the Russian people and culture. Still short on funds.
Katie - College student. Very shy. Pray that God would use this to help her break out of her shell. She's also going to be missing the last 2 weeks of summer school. Pray her profs are understanding.
Wil - only guy on the trip - need I say anymore. Just kidding. Pray for the relationships he's going to build with the guys over there. That they can see an example of a strong Christian man.
Rachel - High School Sr. She was adopted from Russia when she was 7. Pray that God will use that experience in her to reach kids that might not otherwise listen. Also, there are issues with her visa since she is also a Russian citizen (dual citizenship) and might cause her to either not be able to go, or not come home once over there. Pray that God's hand of protection and provision would be all over her and the situation.
Katelyn - College student. Right now she is really focused on school. Pray that she would finish strong.

All of these people going are amazing individuals and I'm so thankful to know them and be able to do life with them for a month.

God, You ordained this group of people from before time began to go minister to these kids, many of whom are the cast outs or the forgotten of the society. Thank you that you do not see them that way. Thank you for filling each of us with so much love for kids that we have never met before and I pray that when we get there those kids would feel that love in a tangible way. I pray that personality conflicts and personal issues would fade away while we are there. It's so easy for issues to spring up in the midst of a large group of people - girls for that matter. But You're bigger than that. I pray right now against that. I pray instead that you would move in each of our lives - l pray for all the changes that we will go through while over there. For the lifelong call You'll put on some, the clarification of Your will in others. My heart is so full, I can't imagine that it could get anymore full- but I know that it can and I gladly look forward to that!

He never ceases to Amaze

2010-04-28T06:43:00.002-05:00

I feel like that's been a theme going on in my life for some time and I LOVE it.

I hope you guys liked the song I posted yesterday. It's one of those instant favorites that I can't get enough of.

Well today I come bearing INCREDIBLE NEWS!!! My Russia trip is paid for!!!

No, you don't have to clean off your screen, wipe your eyes or refresh the page. You read correctly. Of the $4700 to raise for the trip - I was down to needing about $1100 more and the missions team last night reminded me about the scholarship money which I was not even taking into account!! I don't know why it shocked me, or why I find it so hard to believe that the God of the Universe could pull it off - but it does. I don't think it's that I didn't think He could do it - but that I didn't know HOW He was going to do it - and this year blew me out of the water above and beyond anything He'd done before!!

I still have some people that want to donate towards my trip - and that's great - please do so if you feel led. Don't worry it's not going in my pocket. Nope - while the flight and land costs are now covered I have to work on buying the supplies for the kids. For the internship we have to provide our own everything that we're going to do with the kids. Crafts, snacks (if we want to bring something), coloring books, games. . . .ect. So there's still much to be purchased - so give away if God is still calling you - I know some kids who would really appreciate it!! :)

Ephesians 3:14-21

14 For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, 15 from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, 16 that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17 so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, 18 may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, 19 and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

20 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, 21 to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen.

2010-04-27T08:00:00.001-05:00

One day when heaven
Is filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to
Be born of a virgin
He dwelt among men, my example is He

[Chorus:]

Living He loved me
Dying He saved me
Buried He carried my sins far away
Rising He justified
Freely forever
One day He's coming
Oh, Glorious Day
Oh, Glorious Day

One day they led Him
Up Calvary's mountain
One day they nailed Him
To die on a tree
Suffering anguish
Despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose o'er
Death He had conquered
Now is ascended
My lord evermore

[Chorus]
Oh, Glorious Day
Oh, Glorious Day

One day the trumpet will
Sound for His coming
One day the skies with His
Glories will shine
Wonderful day
My beloved was bringing
Glorious Savior this Jesus is mine

[Chorus]

Oh, Glorious Day
Oh, Glorious Day
Oh, Glorious Day
Oh, Glorious Day
Oh, Glorious Day
Oh, Glorious Day

One day the trumpet will
Sound for His coming
One day the skies with His
Glories will shine

T- minus 10 hours

2010-04-22T05:49:00.002-05:00

Until I get on a plane to head to Dallas for training. But before training I get to hang out with Kristy.

I've been blessed with some really great friends in my lifetime - and Kristy is one of them. It was weird the way it all worked out though. It wasn't until she moved away that we became what I would consider close friends. We became email/chat/blog buddies, the ones to hold each other accountable, or help each other get through the day (as it has been lately). She makes me laugh and has a wisdom that I strive for. An all around GREAT friend. ;-)

Will you join me today in praying for her about the things God is doing in her life. The lessons He's teaching her, and the ways He's stretching and growing her. Thanks!!

See you soon Kristy

Training Weekend

2010-04-21T06:48:00.002-05:00

Well I leave tomorrow for my training weekend in Dallas. I don't really know what to expect. I mean I have it in my mind what should take place, and what all needs to be accomplished for a 1 month internship to be successful, but really, the more I think about it - the more I think about Jesus and His life.

He didn't have a lesson plan. He didn't have fancy bells and whistles. He didn't put on a show so people would listen to Him. Nope - He just went about life, using what was around him: a mustard seed, the landscape, well/ water, coins.. . .the list goes on. AND people were drawn to Him - this man of peace, this man of love - this honest, raw, compassionate - yet unyielding man.

So as I reflect on that - I'm slowly letting go of my need to have a plan and more looking forward to meeting the people I get to do life with for a whole month in a country that few of us have been to, for a length of time probably longer than most of us have ever been away from the comforts of American living.

It's gonna be great!!!

You never cease to amaze!!

2010-04-20T06:49:00.002-05:00

Just when I think I can't be surprised by God He busts out in all His glory and I stand in awe yet again!!

For my internship to Russia - the price of the trip is $4700. For me that might as well have been a trillion, but that's also what made it exciting. I KNEW that it was not something that I could do on my own. I KNEW that if He wanted me to go on the trip than He would flex His big God muscles and blow my mind. Well he has.

I'll be the first to admit there have been times were I've faltered, but He's there to pick up the pieces. I had a wonderful wonderful friend offer to pay for my flight with her Frequent Flyer miles. That would have been a significant chunk of the payment right there. But due to the airlines being crazy and releasing those precious few FF seats a year in advance it didn't work out. I was ok when all I had to raise was $2800 but now I was back up to $4700 again.

But like I said - HE is the ever faithful one!!

He has shown me again and again that when He orders something He pays for it. So that looming $4700 total has dwindled to a measly $1300 left to raise (ok still a significant amount to ME but to the God of the Universe - pennies.

My final payment is due June 1st and I can't WAIT to see how God is going to knock my socks off next.

Exodus 15:11
"Who is like you, O LORD, among the gods?
Who is like you, majestic in holiness,
awesome in glorious deeds, doing wonders?"

59 more days

2010-04-19T06:23:00.003-05:00

I can't hardly believe it. It seems like yesterday that I was heading to Russia for the first time, oblivious to the changes God was about to make in me, and now I'm 59 days away from going to Russia for the second time, and staying for about a month.

I can say without a doubt that these past few months have been some of the hardest I have gone through in a long while - between work and . . . well work. In the past when things have gotten this bad I would have walked. No question about it. I would have panic attacks where I could feel my heart beating so fast and I couldn't catch my breath and I would just leave. No 2 weeks, nothing - just leave. Thankfully I've grown up a bit since then (at least I would have hoped I had). In the past 2 months alone there have been several times where I stop and think - old Rebecca would have cut and run by now.. . . hmmmm. That's interesting. So I know that God is working in me and trying to teach me something through this. Not a fun lesson - but one that I needed to desperately learn to my core (does that even make any sense). Anyhoo - tangent aside - I've been so busy busting it at my job, that I've barely had time to process what I'm about to embark on. I mean - come on - I'm going to be in RUSSIA FOR ALMOST A MONTH!!! And not only that, but my prayer is that God will reveal very clearly whether this is where he's calling me full time.

I felt before the trip last year that I was called into missions, and then I went on the trip and I KNEW that I was called to missions - and missions in Russia. What I don't know is whether that's for this internship, to go back every year, or to move over there like I want to. I just want to make sure that desire is from the Lord. Part of me goes - seriously - who really wants to MOVE to RUSSIA of all places. But that is one call I want to make sure is from Him - because if not many people want to go to Russia - even fewer want to move there and then get STUCK there.

So this is where I'm at. God and I have had a little talk, and I'm going to be focusing LESS on work and more on Him and my trip from now on. No more working weekends, no more stressing about work. More praying for His will in my life, more praying for Oksana, and Vageef, and little Roma wherever he may be, and Nastia, and Natasha, and Jenya, and Daniel, and Edik, all my kids at Lopuhinka.

I'm also going to be praying about what this summer should really look like. I don't want to be the spoiled Americans who bring all this stuff so that the real reason - GOD and his unquenchable, undeniable, unimaginable love for those kids - gets lost. I don't want them to see us for the stuff we bring, but for the ONE we bring.

So if you will join me in praying for not only me and what God has in store for me, and the team from Grand Parkway and all the interns going this summer - but for those kids. That they would see Jesus in us and as Lance said on Sunday - smell the sweet aroma and want it/Him.

(Man it feels good to write again!)

Long time no post.

2010-03-18T13:11:00.003-05:00

I remember a time when I would post daily - or at least weekly - but I don't think I've ever gone this long before without posting.

Lot's have been going on. Here are the highlights:

After much prayer and wisdom seeking and then applying, I was accepted on a one month internship in Russia. The internship will be about the same time as my church's trip so I'll still get to work with them and then when my church leaves us interns will stay. I am VERY excited about the trip - and as you can tell from the countdown I have less than 100 days before I leave!! My boss said that I could have the time off and that there would be a job for me on my return so that is a blessing.

As far as work goes - it has taken up most of my time as my responsibilities have increased (sadly the pay did not follow the pattern). But I still enjoy the people I work for and with.

My sister (whom I live with) and I apparently turned crazy and BOTH got puppies at the same time. I got a cute little fluff ball called Duke. He's a Heinz 57 type dog and cute as can be. Rachel got a Great Dane named Peyton. She's getting huge and STILL has a long way to go :) They are having issues with potty training but they are getting there.

This is Duke - he's so stinkin CUTE!!!! (If I do say so myself :))

This is Duke and Peyton. This was taken when they first met after they played so hard they konked out - this does not happen anymore. . . for some reason they don't run out of energy anymore - hahaha.

I know my previous posts were about my friends and their marriages. Not much update on either one - but much prayer is needed!!! Pray for the wisdom of when to let go and when to fight. Pray for the kids. But most of all pray that all parties turn to the great Healer!! He's the only one who can REALLY get them through this.

Oh- I forgot. I had a birthday. I turned 28. My nephew turned 3. Geez where does the time go!?!?!

I don't have much more to update then that- but there is lots more going on in my head . .. just wish I had the time to post more.

2010-01-21T12:33:00.003-06:00

A fellow blogger, and even though I've never met her before someone I call friend introduced me to this song. Actually, she's introduced me to many great songs - but this one deals directly with the post prior to this one. I wanted to post the words by themselves so that anyone reading wouldn't miss it - and remember that GOD is the only Faithful One!!!

Thanks JEN :) !!!

FAITHFUL TO ME
Jennifer Knapp

All the chisels I've dulled carving idols of stone
that have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand,
just to watch them all wash away

Through another day, another trial
Another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I've seen,
and reaching out my weary hand,
I pray that you'd understand,
You're the only one who's faithful to me.

All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea.
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly,
for a faith to be faithful to me.

Through another day, another trial,
Another chance to reconcile
To One who sees past all I've seen,
and reaching out my weary hand,
I pray that you'd understand,
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
You're the only one who's faithful to me.

I am broken

2010-01-21T06:41:00.003-06:00

God,

Today I have so much grief in my heart. Friends around me are suffering and to them (and me) it seems like the house of cards around them are falling and is now an avalanche swallowing them whole. I hurt for them and grieve for what they are going through, but God right now all I can think about are the kids involved. Lord - it's so hard for adults to realize the affect our actions have on our kids. Sure we know it when we are kids and vow never to do that to our kids - but when in the midst of a storm - hurricane - it's very easy to lose sight of what it's doing to them. Protect all the kids involved and I pray your healing over whatever damage has already been caused. I pray that whatever it takes the adults in the situation would resolve what needs to be resolved - that hard words would be received and that both families - separate, but both going through incredibly difficult situations would be healed - whatever that looks like. Let it come swift.

Psalm 61
1 Hear my cry, O God,
listen to my prayer;
2 from the end of the earth I call to you
when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock
that is higher than I,
3 for you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the enemy.
4 Let me dwell in your tent forever!
Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings!
Selah

2010-01-11T14:43:00.000-06:00

"I Will Rise"

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
[x2]

[Chorus:]
And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

The call last night

2009-12-31T11:03:00.002-06:00

So I had my phone interview with Stacey from OO to determine whether or not I'd be accepted to the internship program.

The conversation went really well, I really liked her, and I'm very on board with their vision in partnering with Lopuhinka and letting the interns spend as much time with the kids as possible.

We ended the conversation with a little hesitation on whether or not it would be logistically possible for me to do both trips. Since I'd have to either come late to the church trip (leaving me with basically only one day with the kids) or leave early from the intern trip.

Because she wants to make sure that there is strong unity between all the interns she wants to pray through to make sure that leaving early would not cause discourse - or that by getting there early would cause jealousy because of bonds already begun before they got there.

I completely understand where she's coming from, and agree on all points. I told her that since my whole point of the internship is to find out if missionary living in Russia is where God is calling me so if I had to choose I would choose the internship (since it's longer), however, I did tell her that I needed to check with Susan to see how we are on numbers for our church trip. I want to make sure they aren't going to miss the trip by one person. Since I'm not planning on moving to Russia next year I can go on the internship then if need be.

So I left the call with really more questions than answers. . . but God is faithful and clear. I just need to make sure that I'm waiting for him and not running ahead (which is so easy to do). What I'm asking of you my prayer warrior friends is that God would be very clear as to what he's calling me to, and wisdom for Stacey as she has the heavy job of putting together an intern team that will not only meld well together but that can minister to the kids.

Thank you my friends!!

I'll continue to keep you updated on how things are going. Have a safe new year (I'll be tucked away in my home eating "Mouthful of Christmas Cookies" and Ginger Bread and playing Wii - Fit, and Guitar Hero !! :-) )

Last night

2009-12-29T06:49:00.002-06:00

No I'm not going to rant and rave about the less than stellar service I got at Fish City Grill last night - you can go to the post below for that. . . .

No, this post will be dedicated to the hours between 3 and 5 this morning. For some reason - be it bad gumbo, or the Holy Spirit, I was up and could not sleep during that time. Normally when that happens there's someone on my mind that I feel the need to pray for and then I fall asleep pleading to the Lord on their behalf.

Last night not so much. I was wide awake and so many things kept pouring into my brain. I'd pray over one thing until I had no more words and then someone else - something else would pop in. I prayed for friends marriages, for certain men to grow up and stop being so selfish, I thanked God for those men who ARE Godly examples, I prayed again for my sisters salvations and for the relationships they're in, for their own thoughts of themselves. I prayed for some friends of mine who took in a sick girl and the effect it's having on their family and marriage.

Then I started praying for all the interns going to Russia this summer whether I'm one of them or not. I prayed for the doors that would open for those going who truly have a heart to be with those kids, I prayed that men would rise up and go on the trip as become interns because those boys there desperately need Godly men to follow and learn from - and to be at one place for nearly a month . . . oh how I prayed. I prayed for people in particular who I think would be amazing - two of them have jobs that make summer not a great time for taking a month off - but God is good and those two popped into my brain so I went with it. Then I prayed for my kids. For Oksana wherever she is and Eldar her brother that they would keep each other safe. For Vageef that he would stay out of trouble and if I'm being completely honest I let my mind wander in the vastness of "what if" - what if Vageef was adoptable - would I make a good mom - would he even want me. . . . Then I snapped back and prayed for all the kids I could remember and even those I couldn't but just remembered their faces.

I prayed for my job and when/if I have to tell my boss that I'm taking off almost 6 weeks. I gave it to God knowing that if he orders it - he's gonna pay for it - whether that's holding my job or having one better out there, or even it being a non issue because I'm not chosen to go on the internship.

There was lots of prayer and talking. I tried to be quiet and listen and normally that's the part where I fall asleep - but every time I tried to be still someone else, something else would pop into my brain to pray for and I would start all over again.

I think I finally drifted off about 10 min before my alarm at 5 and snoozed until 5:40.

Don't know what that was last night but it was great. Been a while since I was up praying over the cares and concerns of others.

What about you . . . does that ever happen to you?

Beware Fish City Grill in Sugar Land

2009-12-29T06:37:00.002-06:00

Ok - so I went to Fish City Grill with one of my best girls last night cause I heard it was amazing food. . . . ummmmm - might be decent food but the service was HORRIBLE!!

Our waitress took our order, didn't even deliver our food someone else had to bring it out for her. (half mine was missing at the beginning). Now normally that wouldn't be a big thing in a large restaurant, other waiters and waitresses help out when your covering 5 tables or so or maybe a 10 top. . . . but I kid you not there were more servers than individual people in the place and only one guy would look any of the patrons in the eye and ask if they needed anything - too bad he wasn't our waiter.

Ours NEVER refilled our drinks, I had to hunt someone else down for that, and then when we TRIED getting our check our waitress would never look our way despite all our attempts and LOUD talking about getting our check. We finally got the attention of this chick after we called toward her twice and asked to get our check. To which she replied in her most annoyed tone - I'm NOT a server. . . .(really - seriously. . . come on now - she can't be serious!?!?!) Well could you get ours please - we haven't seen her all night. She walks as if it's the greatest imposition EVER put on her to walk the 5 steps to our waitress and looks over at us and points.

Our "waitress" FINALLY comes over and apologizes saying she forgot about us. HELLO - the place is smaller than a McDonald's playground - HOW CAN YOU FORGET!!!! SCAN THE SMALL CROWD ONCE IN A WHILE!!

As you can tell - I've inherited the impatience of my grandfather when it comes to restaurants. I tried - really I did - to be better - but literally when they look at the bottles of wine on the wall covered in dust rather than at the patrons sitting there staring at them wondering if they will EVER refill their drink or if they will have to continue praying it would be warmer so their ice would melt to give them a SIP of something to drink.

All in all = the conversation was great - I love my friend!! The restaurant - don't waste your time!!!

I know - kind of Anti-climactic

2009-12-28T11:44:00.002-06:00

Considering the countdown was for Christmas and I basically didn't blog for the last couple weeks!! Christmas has come and gone (if you're still behind the times a bit). I had an amazing time with my family and wish I was still on vacation (but really - who doesn't?)

I have lots of pictures but since it's easier to upload lots of them on facebook you'll have to go there to see the Great Gingerbread House Attempt of 09 (it was a trip!!!), I also posted pictures from my Christmas - have I mentioned how much I love my family!?!?!?!

On a side note - I was able to have coffee this weekend with a girl who works for OO the organization my church is going on our mission trip with this summer, and the same people I applied with for the 1 month internship. I had a great peace after speaking with her, and while not all questions were answered (only because there are somethings that won't be decided until a few months down the road) I did get a vision of where they want the program to go and I'm VERY excited.

I have my phone interview for the internship this afternoon and hopefully if things go well I'll find out in a few days if I've been selected to take part :)

Other than that. . . .well things are about the same. Work is still good, family is still good, and my heart is still with my kids in Russia.

How about you . . . how was your Christmas?

Pretty Stinkin Cool!!!!!

2009-12-12T22:54:00.001-06:00

14 More days?!?!?! Holy Man!!!

2009-12-11T06:22:00.005-06:00

Is it me or has someone turned on the time accelerator! Only 14 more days until Christmas - WOW!! Well I've got most of my shopping done - only my mom, Jacob and Joey left. Who am I kidding - the only person I've shopped for is my dad and he's super easy :) We draw names between the sisters (and brother in law) since there are so many of us and I got Joey. He's not hard though - he just wants a gift card to Gander Mountain. Pretty sure he's gonna have to settle for a Visa gift card ;-) but it'll work too.

So what have I been up to lately.

Well, over the best Thanksgiving in the past several years I made this for my parents. I literally painted all day from morning til after dark - dad had to get a spot light for me. I already had it cut out so all I needed to do was paint it. My family felt bad cause they thought I was "stuck" out there painting - but it was one of the things I loved most about my time. The weeks prior had been so jammed pack with one thing after another, after another, after another that to just sit and empty my mind for an entire day - knowing that my family was all there with me - well just calling it the best Thanksgiving in a long time doesn't do it justice. I got to paint, be with my family for some good quality time of enjoying each other, GREAT food, and movie watching . . .. well I could go on and on but I'll stop with telling you it was the best Thanksgiving in a REALLY long time!!

What else. . . .

Honestly I can't even remember the last things I've blogged about - hold on I'll be right back. Apparently I've already devoted a whole post to how great my Thanksgiving was -sorry - but this time you get pictures :)

This week we've had a girl from our sister company in the the UK over and she wanted to go to some plays while she's here. Last night was the first of the two - A Christmas Carol. Next week we go to The Sound of Music. It was a great night - good conversation - well a lot of her talking and me listening to her accent :) , cold cold weather as we walked around to let her take pictures of everything, dinner at Hard Rock Cafe, and then front row seats for the play. It was GREAT!!! I'll post pictures later - have to wait until she sends them to me.

No news yet on the internship. I'm filling out the application today. I've continued to pray for a peace - which honestly I think I've always had, so then I prayed that if I'm not supposed to go that God would take away that peace. There've been several things come up that have tested me - but it always comes back to knowing that this is what God has called me to - and what he orders he pays for. (I know I say that alot - and part of that is me being responsible with what he's given me and not thinking a magical bucket of money is going to fall in my lap - but still - that peace is there so I keep moving one step at a time.) Application today, support letter (hopefully) today and then see what tomorrow brings.

I know I've unloaded a lot this morning - but I guess that's what happens when it's weeks between posts. Sorry friends :)

OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! How in the WORLD could I forget snow day!! Seriously people - I must have gone done lost my MIND!!!!!

Unfortunately I had to work a full day but I still got to go out and "play" in the snow. Over where my sister was it snowed a lot more and more was stuck to the ground - but I was happy with what I got!! Oh and another pic to post later - the little snowman someone at my apartment made from the snow from 5 different cars :) it was 2 feet tall and waaay cute.

Ok for real now - I'm done. You guys have a great Friday and a GREAT week!!!!

21 More Days

2009-12-04T06:48:00.002-06:00

Hi people.

It's not like I've been avoiding posting - I promise. I just have so much running through my mind - that if I started I would never stop and this would be one stinkin long novel.

First I want to say a big thank you for all my prayer warriors praying for the two families I mentioned earlier that had such devastating times at Thanksgiving. I can't even begin to imagine what the families are going through right now but continue to pray that those involved would run to the Great Healer instead of running from Him.

Second, I want to give you a little glimpse into what has been on my heart. All of you know that my heart is no longer complete, but that pieces of it are in Russia held by Oksana, Vageef and Jenya, and SO many more! I believe that I wrote on here before about a possible one month internship, well it looks like it's most likely going to happen, God willing. I would leave for the mission trip with my church and then just stay there and wait for the interns to come. The catch is that I'd have to come back 4 days early - but that's still about a month with them, meeting new children, and learning what it would be like to possibly be there full time.

Please continue to pray with me as I seek out what God's path is for me and that I would not impose my own desires and pray that he would bless those. I know that if this is really going to happen (financially, work approval. . . ect) than it's only because he's called me. As a missionary once said (at least I think it was) what God orders he pays for. So I have complete faith that if God is calling me to this and I'm truly seeking after Him than he'll be found and will make the way.

So that's what's been stirring up in my mind. I'm sure that now I've broken the dam I'll be back more and more to unload and process. thanks again to all my friends who I know are out there praying!

23 More days

2009-12-03T12:57:00.002-06:00

"I believe in Christianity as I believe the sun has risen, not only because I see it, but because by it I see everything else."
- C.S. Lewis

24 more days!

2009-12-01T06:53:00.002-06:00

Well happy December people. We are finally in the actual Christmas month - hard to believe. You made it this far through the year, not much longer and it'll be time for 2010!

There's much weighing on my heart - but first I want to give praise to God! He is a mighty working God and a God of healing. Never in my wildest dreams growing up did I think I could enjoy my family.

If I'm being raw with my blogger friends - there was even a time I ran away because that's how much I wanted to be away from my mother. Now I'm not talking running away around the block with suitcases full of dolls and their clothes (nothing but the clothes on my back for me and my sister) - though we did do that when we were younger. Nope - I'm talking high school. My mom and I were like oil and water. Well more like oil and fire. One little thing would set us off and not much would squelch it until it had all burned out. (could it be that we are more alike than I had ever wanted to admit. . .hmmmm).

All that to say, this past weekend was amazing!!! I went up to my parents new place in Austin. They have an incredible new house, with an amazing view - but really it wasn't about the house- it was about who was in it. My family. I deeply, truly love my family. It's like I'm now trying to make up for all the times I was an idiot with them. I look forward to spending time with them, talking with them, and laughing with them like I don't laugh with anyone else, about stuff that's never as funny when talking with people who aren't family. One of my favorite moments was when we where all sitting on the couch (well Susanna had already left) - so my parents, me (27), Rach (29) Sarah (30) - watching Bednobs and Broomsticks - a movie mind you that we hadn't seen since we were kids - but there we were quoting and singing along like no time had passed since the last time we'd seen it. My mom was rolling about the fact that 3 of her grown children were sitting here watching a kids movie (that my DAD changed the channel to mind you) and were singing and quoting.

Great, great weekend - and all thanks to God's healing power.

Now claiming that same healing power, God I come before you and lift up two families. Families that over the Thanksgiving holidays were struck with murder and suicide. One family that I don't know- but I do know that there are young kids involved, and one family that I'm very close with relatives of - and know that several people were shot and killed by a family member - one of them a little girl. God I come asking for your healing power on all those who are involved - the kids, the survivors, those who may blame themselves, those who faith may falter because they put their faith in someone other than you. These were two completely different incidents but with the same tragic ending. Only you - the great physician and healer can put the families and those involved back together. Lord, let them turn to you in their grief and not away from you as it's sometimes so easy to do. Let them allow the healing and grieving process begin. Remind them that they aren't always going to find the reasons why something like this can and does happen - but assure them and send people to surround them that will assure them that this doesn't come from you.

God I thank you that your people - your children rallied on Sunday to be there for a grieving church family. It was amazing to see so many people who were ready on the spot to serve in any way possible to allow a grieving church to be together and have a time of questioning, grieving, and then begin healing. I thank you that even amidst all the unbelievably horrid things that have happened you remain faithful and you remain holy, and just the fact that you remain. You are. You have been. You will be.

Thank you!

(I know that many of you may have questions about what's gone on - I don't have the answers, and the ones that I do have I'm not at liberty to share. If you could please just pray for two nameless families - both struck by horrible horrible incidents this thanksgiving. Thank you for your prayers!)

30 more days!!!

2009-11-25T08:35:00.003-06:00

Man I love this time of year!!! I love the weather - well what the weather SHOULD be, but really I love the FOOD!! Like this lovely gem that I made for work.

Monkey Bread (this time I used dark brown sugar so it's even more delish!)

It's ooey gooey, yummy, caramelly, and divine!!!

Have I mentioned I love this time of year?!?!?!

Still 31 more days

2009-11-24T06:59:00.001-06:00

I made the comment on Sunday that it seems like all I do these days at church is cry. This week again I was broken for my sisters - this time was as torturous as the last though I didn't have quite the reaction I did last time. I think I was prepared for it to hit - never-the-less the reality doesn't change and neither does the pain.

I pleaded with God over and over until only the Spirit could interpret my groans before the throne. I had no more words other than - God - please God, please God - over and over. Pleading for the mercy that none of us deserve and yet he gives. Pleading for a revelation in their lives so that they do not become as Lazarus crying out for just one drop of water and then when reality sinks in asking for a miracle to tell his brothers so that they do not have to suffer the same agony.

So again God I come before you, with the prayers of those reading this, do what you must to bring my sisters to you - either for the first time or back again. Whatever it takes God - they are in so much pain right now because they feel that they deserve whatever punishment they feel they've heaped on themselves - and while that is true - there are always consequences for actions be they good or bad - NO ONE is beyond redemption, no one is beyond forgiveness, no one is beyond your love. God woo them back into your arms where they can be loved like they deserve. Please God.

31 More days

2009-11-24T06:30:00.003-06:00

My pastor talked about hell on Sunday - something that most pastors in America don't talk about because it's not "seeker friendly". But funny thing - Jesus spoke about hell more than anyone else in the bible. Neil said something that made so much sense, he said when people/preachers lose confidence in the bible they make up their own theories. That's why you have preachers saying that the punishment of hell only lasts for a time and then that person ceases to exist - a lie. That's why you have crazy ladies saying that "their" god could NEVER let anyone go to hell - or claim to know the inmost thoughts of the Almighty. but enough with my ramblings about the sermon - go listen to the pod cast :)

I will leave you with a quote from a person - whom I believe was T.S. Eliot (Marcie, Laura, Neil - a little help please)

"I had rather walk as I do, in daily terror of eternity, than feel this was only a children's game in which all contestants get equally meaningless prizes at the end."

32 more days

2009-11-23T06:12:00.002-06:00

Time is flying waaaayy faster than it normally does - even for me. These last two weeks have been a blur for me - as you can probably assess from my lack of posting - I've been CRAZY busy at work and away from work.

Quick run down - I had 3 luncheons to prepare for - 2 of the three were labor intensive on top of all my normal work. All the preparations that go into decorating (and not the cheap-o kind of stuff- no no - the good stuff - ironing required on the table cloths kind of stuff). Scheduling travel for my people to go to China, fixing things for them while they were in Australia - again - on top of all the added/normal work stuff.

At home, apart from work I was working on Christmas ornaments for my mom and friend (which they all turned out GREAT), and 6 yard art pieces - one for Thanksgiving. .

So all that to say - hopefully this week I'll be able to post a little more and remind all of us (myself included) daily about how quickly Christmas is approaching!!!

Love you all!

TODAY there's only 36 day's left.

2009-11-19T07:00:00.001-06:00

Don't know what I was thinking before. . .

Anyhoo - again - don't have much time but I wanted you all to know that it's finished!!!! YAY!

37 More days - Updated

2009-11-17T11:19:00.005-06:00

This is progress from last night. I know it doens't look like much - but it really is :-)

One of the 4 things keeping me so busy (at least apart from work that is!!)

It's a work in progress - but I think it's pretty cool to see the difference between the before, middle and final!

You ever do something and are so grateful for the gifts that God gives you? That's how I feel with painting. I stand back and thank God every time because I KNOW that it doesn't come from me. Only he can be that great.

Sorry the pictures' a little wonky - I took it with my camera phone.

Are you ready for this!!!

2009-11-16T06:08:00.001-06:00

I don't have much time - but there are only 10 days until Thanksgiving and 39 until Christmas!!!!!

People - where has the time gone!!!!!!!

44 More days

2009-11-11T05:55:00.003-06:00

You can't always judge the season by the stores - heck they'll soon be keeping the seasonal stuff all year long!!!

But when you see that every other commercial is a christmas commercial you know you're getting close!

Woo hoo - can't wait!

49 more days

2009-11-06T06:45:00.003-06:00

Don't really have time this morning to post so it's going to be short - ha

Tell me how this is - I'M the one with the countdown and yet I lost track of the time and now have to scramble this weekend!!!!

Mainly it's a Thanksgiving deadline which is in 20 days - little over 2 weeks!!! HELLO!!

Anyways this weekend should look like this:
Work until 4
Go home and change into work clothes (manual labor work clothes I mean)
Run to Wal-Mart or Hobby Lobby to get the paint I'm going to need this weekend to paint a manger scene, angel and star - and paint pens as well as glass ornaments for an order for my mom and friend.
Run to Home Depot and get plywood, and metal poles, along with the hardware for the backs.

Then it's home to either clean or start and finish the ornaments - either way they're getting done tonight

Tomorrow it's going over the GPs (grandparents) to use their backyard to trace and cut out the pieces, lunch for Grandparents day and then home to start painting those pieces. I don't know if I'll be able to finish - I think I will in one day but we'll see. Depends on when I get home from their house.

As always plans are likely to change - but what must get accomplished in any order:
Painted ornaments - completed
cut out and painted yard art
dessert for the GPs and lunch with them

So there you have it folks. Don't expect an update over the weekend but I think I will be posting pics once it's all done.

Peace out bloggers

Still 50 days . . .

2009-11-05T13:12:00.002-06:00

I need your help.

I checked this out, and it's not a scam. Snopes site here

You all know how much I love Christmas - well this little boy loves it too and his wish before his cancer claims his life is to have Christmas early - by receiving Christmas cards. Something so easy and cheap - ANYONE can do it! Here's the story.

Please help me flood this little boy with love. His name is Noah Biorkman, he's only 5-years-old, and he's in the last stages of a 2 1/2 year fight with cancer. :( He's not expected to live much longer, so their family is celebrating Christmas early. And what does he want most of all? - Christmas cards! That is more than do-able for every single one of us. Please, as soon as possible (preferably today), buy or make a Christmas card for this little one, and send it to:
Noah Biorkman,
1141 Fountain View Circle,
South Lyon, MI 48178.

And don't forget to pray for him and his sweet family. ♥

50 more days!!!

2009-11-05T06:49:00.002-06:00

We're halfway through our countdown people!!! 50 more shopping days until Christmas - and for those whose mouths are watering for the yumminess of; turkey, dressing, stuffing, green bean casserole, and dinner monkey bread - heck - breakfast monkey bread for that matter. . . . there are only 21 more days until the Thanksgiving Day Parade and Thanksgiving food!!! Mmmmm. . . .my favorite meal of the entire year.

Follow if you can my train of thought here. Time flies so fast for me, always has. School flew, thankfully (was not a fan of school), and my years seem to slip by.

Time.

Moving from childhood, to young adult, to grown adult . . . when does that actually happen?

I mean don't get me wrong I know that I'm not a child (though I might still act like it sometimes), and I realize that I'm no longer a teen (haven't been that for years) but when do you actually move from young adult to adult?

I was thinking about this yesterday when a good friend of mine made the comment that I'm not a junior member of the mission team at my church. It's true - I still think of myself as that youth/young adult who always helped out where ever she could but was never really considered an adult - ok - so maybe that is a self imposed thought - but really - what constitutes being an adult.

Dictionary.com says that an adult is:
a person who is fully grown or developed or of age.

Doesn't help to much - nothing concrete there. What does of age mean? Of age to smoke, drink - not that I do either.

Are you considered an adult when you marry or when you have kids (that can't be right when there are 15 year olds having kids). Are you an adult when you feel like you are one, or when society treats you like one. Are you an adult when you start behaving like one, when you start making large purchases like a car or house. Are you an adult when you have so much debt you can't breath. Are you considered an adult when you stop shooting milk out of your nose even if you still blow bubbles in it (not that I would EVER do either of those things - I'm just sayin)

What about moving from girl to woman? When does that happen. Again is it when you marry, or have kids.

The best place to go for answers is ALWAYS scripture and as you've probably guess I went to the Proverbs Woman:

Scripture says that a Godly woman (Proverbs 31)

The Woman Who Fears the LORD

10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.

(Ok - so she's a wife )

11The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.

(she is trustworthy)

12She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.

(treats her husband with respect)

13She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands.

(hard worker)

14She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar.

(hard worker)

15She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household

(hard worker - I'm seeing a pattern here!)

and portions for her maidens.

(She is generous)

16She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.

(she's not dependant on her husband for everything - yet what she earns goes for her family)

17She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong.

(confident and strong)

18She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night.

(again she's not lazy)

19She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle.

(while her vineyard is growing and she can't do anything else - she find another way to provide)

20She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy.

(giving)

21She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet

(this one I don't really understand . .. help?)

22She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple.

(she treats herself with respect)

23Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.

(she married a good man)

24She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant.

(Man - this chick is always working!)

25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come.

(strong woman)

26She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.

(wise but not boastful. Teaching suggests she doesn't push her wisdom on others)

27She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.

(hard worker)

28Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

29"Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all."

(her family respects her)

30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

(sorry - but can't help but think of the DC Talk song EVERY time I read this)

(she fears the Lord)

31Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

(she gets credit for what she has accomplished)

So the thing that repeats to me over and over is "hard worker" - at least that's what I got out of it.

I think after all this what it comes down to is a mixture of things and not one thing by itself. I think it's a combination of personal strength and mind set, the way a person; carries themselves, think and behave. I think that as they mature the devious childish things no longer hold the appeal that they once did, and they aren't afraid to still take part in the fun loving childish things. I don't think it's dependant on marriage or having children - though those things surely can cause one to "grow up" more quickly than someone who isn't and hasn't.

So world - at the age of 27, as someone who is unmarried and doesn't have kids - I can say with confidence that I am a grown woman. I will no longer refer to myself as a baby (which I tend to do at work or around certain groups of people) and I will step up to the responsibilities that I have with confidence knowing that I was chosen to take them on because those who chose me knew that I could handle it.

Funny - I don't feel any different ;)

Still 51 more days

2009-11-04T15:18:00.002-06:00

I know - gasp - two posts in one day!!!

But I just needed the world to know that I'm getting REALLY tired of my hair and am thinking about chopping it off again!! It wasn't bad when it was curly but it's been straight for a few days now and it's boo!! So I'll either go back to curly or if I get adventurous I might just chop it off before church tonight.

We'll see.

51 More days

2009-11-04T13:16:00.003-06:00

Can't believe it's been so long since I've posted - what's this world coming to?

Well since then I've looked like this: This was my Halloween costume for Karaoke night at Brittmore. (and no I didn't have wings - just what was on my face. though there was a Victoria secret model who I could have borrowed wings from but that would have taken over half the material on her body away and she needed it more than I did!! Actually she needed a LOT more but I digress.)

What else. . . . .

Oh - we had Going Global last Sunday and I think it was a great success. There was a lot of interest from people who had never before gone on mission trips, and a renewed interest from those who had gone in the past. I look forward to what God will do through all the trips.

Umm. . . I think that's all for now. but I promise to be back tomorrow for the big 5-0 day!

58 More Days - (til Christmas)

2009-10-28T06:48:00.002-05:00

Tonight I'm going to be a busy girl. I volunteered to paint faces at a fair that a friend of mine is having at her job. She asked months ago and of course I said yes since I hadn't painted in about a year and I didn't want my painting muscles to atrophy. She's a nurse that (I believe) works with diabetic kids and their office is having a fall festival kind of night. No candy of course :) but there are prizes and lots of fun activities!

Well since that time I told Susan that I would run the missions part of the Music and Missions (which I've been LOVING by the way). So tonight I get to go face paint until about 6:30 or so and then head over to Grand Parkway for party night with my kids!! Woo hoo!!

What about you - any fun plans this evening?

59 More days

2009-10-27T06:54:00.004-05:00

Well we've made it into the 50's people!! Where has the time gone. Next week we'll be at the halfway mark - wow!!

The weather this week has been great - cool, though yesterday was a little rainy. I wish it would stay cool for say. . . . until FEBRUARY like it's supposed to but I'll take what I can get.

I busted out another light sweater for today. I'm sure it's going to get warmer - but I don't spend much time outside and it's pretty chilly in my office so it works. I don't know - there's just something about wearing sweaters and warm clothes - too bad the temps outside don't make that very possible.

I don't have much to say today - other than about the weather. There's lots swirling around my head - just not much that would make sense out of it. Still chewing on - The Truth must dazzle gradually or everyone be blind - along with all the scriptures I posted a few days earlier.

I hope you all have a great day!

Oh- Thanksgiving is only 31 days away - I'm just sayin!!! :-)

P.S. - I'm about to get some hot chocolate because it's so stinkin cold in my office. Mother Nature - please take some notes!!!

60 More days

2009-10-26T06:38:00.002-05:00

Ok -so there really is no update on the situation with my sisters other than I've been reading and praying and have a time set up with my other sister on Tues to talk about it. I filled her in a little bit about my concerns and the scriptures I was reading so that I wouldn't ambush her with this kind of news - I didn't want her on the defensive like I knew she would have been - I want prayed over words and thoughts. Our opinions don't mean anything.

And last week I found a note that I had written from a message my pastor (I think) preached a long time ago.

The Truth must dazzle gradually or everyone be blind.

I think that is SO pertinent to this situation. With talking to Sarah, and then talking with Rach and Susanna.

So God I pray that You would begin to speak Your truth in their lives through the people around them. Begin to reveal to them that they are far from You and need to return.

Thank you again to all those out there that I know are praying for my sisters. One person in particular - your sister has been on my mind and in my prayers also!

64 More days

2009-10-22T07:05:00.004-05:00

I don't know what was in the air last night - or water - or food. . . . but the kids at music and missions were CRAZY!!! (don't worry Marcie - Sophie was wonderful and not to be counted among this group - Laura - after you left Jacob was actually pretty good as well!!)

But all the rest acted like they'd each had a 6 pack of Jolt right before they came in - jeepers creepers!!!

I will say that as crazy as it was - I really hope the craft we made makes it home and that they actually do pray for our missionaries and not just throw it away.

Every child got a laminated world map and we had stickers for each of our missionaries or missions that we support. I went one missionary - mission at a time and had them put a star on that sticker and then the same color star on the map where they are located. (this was a little more difficult for some than others). But I think the idea was a good one. I kept telling them over and over - even if you can't read yet, or don't remember how to pray for those families or missions on the stickers if you just pray for the red stars, or the blue stars - God would know!!

This was all in an attempt to get them a little more prepared for our Going Global day at Grand Parkway - a time when we lay out all the mission opportunities for our church to get involved.

Oh and a little freebie for ya - don't worry about taking a shower this morning if you forgot your umbrella in the CAR and you parked about 30 yards from the staircase to your apartment - oh and don't worry about shoes cause when you step off the curb to get in your car - yeah the water will be up above the shoe line! Just an FYI! I'm here for ya!

65 More Days

2009-10-21T06:33:00.002-05:00

I think it's safe to say that my once a day posting is out the window - but I'm still really proud of myself for posting as much as I have and continuing to post even when I mess up my goal. (freebie - I generally - once I have something in mind to do - diet, read my bible everyday . . . . if I mess up even once I throw it ALL out the window - so this is progress I think).

S0 - about my last post.

Sorry to throw such heavy stuff at you all, but this is my place to vent and get out all my joys, excitement, plans, ideas, and fears. But you know what my favorite thing about sharing with people who know God and know His word - they don't just give idle/pointless "encouragement" like:

"It'll be alright" - I'm sorry - I just realized there is a really REAL possibility that two of the people I love most in the world are headed towards HELL and you're going to tell me it's alright!!! SERIOUSLY?!?!? Thankfully no ones been that foolish.

or
"I'm sure that God has a plan for them". I'm sure he does but YOUR words don't help me.

What I love is when God lovin' scripture readin people see a problem and instead of giving their own fallible ideas or thoughts they go straight to the Word. For example - a good friend pointed me to these scriptures about Salvation:

Matt. 24: 9-14
9 "Then they will deliver you up to tribulation and put you to death, and you will be hated by all nations for my name’s sake. 10 And then many will fall away and betray one another and hate one another. 11 And many false prophets will arise and lead many astray. 12 And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold. 13 But the one who endures to the end will be saved. 14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

But the one who endures to the end will be saved.

2 Tim. 2:7-15
7 Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything.
8Remember Jesus Christ, risen from the dead, the offspring of David, as preached in my gospel, 9 for which I am suffering, bound with chains as a criminal. But the word of God is not bound! 10 Therefore I endure everything for the sake of the elect, that they also may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus with eternal glory. 11 The saying is trustworthy, for: If we have died with him, we will also live with him; 12 if we endure, we will also reign with him; if we deny him, he also will deny us; 13 if we are faithless, he remains faithful—

Colossians 1:19-23
19 For in him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, 20 and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross.
21 And you, who once were alienated and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, 22 he has now reconciled in his body of flesh by his death, in order to present you holy and blameless and above reproach before him, 23 if indeed you continue in the faith, stable and steadfast, not shifting from the hope of the gospel that you heard, which has been proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, became a minister.

Hebrews 10
10 And by that will (Hw 10:8-9) we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.

12 But when Christ had offered for all time a single sacrifice for sins, he sat down at the right hand of God, 13 waiting from that time until his enemies should be made a footstool for his feet. 14 For by a single offering he has perfected for all time those who are being sanctified.
15 And the Holy Spirit also bears witness to us; for after saying, 16 "This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, declares the Lord:I will put my laws on their hearts, and write them on their minds,"
17 then he adds, "I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more."

26 For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 27 but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries. 28 Anyone who has set aside the law of Moses dies without mercy on the evidence of two or three witnesses. 29 How much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by the one who has spurned the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace? 30For we know him who said, "Vengeance is mine; I will repay." And again,"The Lord will judge his people." 31 It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

I'll need to ponder these for a while.

My friend also gave me some more words of wisdom - I can not know the true heart of my sisters, whether they are like the prodigal or like the seeds choked by the weeds - but what I do know is that they are actively, in full knowledge sinning deliberately even though they know the truth and that scares me!

Please continue to pray with me.

69, 68, 67 More days

2009-10-19T15:32:00.002-05:00

Sorry - it's been a CRAZY weekend.

Don't really have the time to go into everything right now - but believe me I need to.

Let's just say I finally came to realize something that made my heart shatter into a thousand pieces and I almost lost all that was in my stomach.

There's always been something about the way that my sisters live their lives that I was against. well apart from the obvious. One is living with her boyfriend while the other one is with someone and has done (probably still doing) things she shouldn't.

I've known it was wrong and known it was a sin - but it wasn't until something my pastor said on Wed in a completely different context and the conversation that my Home Group had last night that I came to the realization that I never let myself get to before - and that is that my sisters are not headed to the same place I am.

1 Corinthians 6

9 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God?

Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral,

nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality,

10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards,

nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

11 And such were some of you. But you were washed, you were sanctified,

you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.

If they were to repent it would be different but if they would die today without repenting than they will have sealed their own fate. To say that my chest has been ripped out my chest is an understatement. I feel as though I don't have one today. I'm so numb. All day I've been going through the motions, praying that God would give me the words, soften their hearts, kick their collective behinds. . .

I know there are people out there going to Hell. I know that there are friends of mine whose family members are going to Hell - but to realize that about my own sisters whom I love so much - it was too much to bear, and too much to talk about now. I'm starting to lose it again so I'm going to stop.

There are words. .

70 More days

2009-10-16T07:02:00.003-05:00

To say I had fun last night would be an understatement!!!

It would be like saying it get's cold in Russia.

So what was so fun last night?

I know you can't wait!

Karaoke!

I went to Karaoke with Laura and Joe at Churchill's and I had one of the best nights I've had in a LONG time!! Singing, laughing, Diet Coke, laughing and singing some more. Oh and LAUGHING!!

There were some very interesting characters there (and that's putting it lightly), and many of whom were already PAST inebriated at 9 pm when I first got there. Dancing, screaming, and most singing so off key they weren't even in the same stratosphere of the song - but I laughed the whole way through.

I sang two songs and got the end of what I was able to sing so Laura put a list together for me to learn.

Laura the wonder woman sang 4 times- one of those a duet with big biker dude (think BIG tough - with a vampire bite tattoo on his neck). Let me tell you - this dude was so funny. You'd think he'd sing these tough hard songs - oh no - soft - sweet - country love songs!!

HI-LAR-IOUS!!!

Oh - and then he asked her to dance!!! This is them.

I didn't get in until about 12:30-12:45 and didn't hit the sack until 1 - but I wouldn't change it for anything.

Hopefully we'll go out on Sat to the ice house for some more singing - come on out and join in the fun!!!

71 More days

2009-10-15T15:48:00.001-05:00

I don't have much time today to post - spent my lunch playing Farkle on Facebook!! Love that game. . . . . ok -I do have to say this.

If you are over the age of 30 - you have GOT to stop with the texting language; lol, gl, ty, tks, yw, . . . . .for the love people!!! SPELL IT OUT!!! It takes less than a second to type out thank you rather than ty. or good luck rather than gl. YOU ARE ADULTS!!! Seriously people - what's the world coming to!!

And I totally agree that LOL is something that is just written to fill the void when one can't think of anything else to say. . . . lol.

72 more days

2009-10-14T06:49:00.003-05:00

In an effort to be as transparent as possible with you my fellow bloggers I need to share something with you.

Many of you who've been following this blog for a while - heck - even a few days know a few things about me.

1. I love Christmas: what it stands for, all the decorations, the music, what the weather SHOULD be (not 98* w/ 200* humidity - thank you Houston). . . . and the list goes on.

2. I have a heart for missions and for the kids I left behind in Lopuhinka. Oksana, Vageef, Karina, Jenya. . . . and this list goes on!!!

3. I have money issues. . . .

I know you all are probably getting tired of me going through this - but - I work things better out by talking/writing through them and this IS my blog after all ;)

My parents were crappy with money (they are much better now - too bad they didn't teach me the good stuff!!) And I therefore learned by example and became wholly and completely crappy with money. It never really had any other value to me other than - I needed something it cost this much - I either had it (no matter how ridiculous the price) or I didn't. There was no saving to buy something, there was no - I can't afford that. It was - either I had it and spent it, or didn't have it and found a way to get it right then and there.

This resulted in 3 credit cards that have been maxed out - for a good - oh I'd say at least over 5 years and I'm being generous. Probably closer to 7 years. My interest rates on all of them were between 23 and 26%. When you're maxed out, with that high of an interest rate - there is no way to get those babies down. Especially if you keep putting things on the cards.

Well - I let this habit fester for so long it's become common place and I didn't know how to break the cycle.

In other areas of my financial life I really do think I've been more financially responsible. I have a Lane Bryant account - with a $100 limit. I go in once a month, buy something (generally 1 item) and pay off the entire amount when the bill comes in. I've been doing this for about a year now and it's becoming a habit - get and pay off immediately. I have two loans - school and car. I pay over the amount due on each one. I have an amount in my head of what each one should be and that's what I pay. The car is $50 over the amount and the school about 20 (I think - can't remember now what the original payment should be). I'm NEVER late on those loans!!

So why am I telling you all this - why am I walking through all this.

Well, I've been praying about missions, and what that looks like for me, and what it would mean to go into the mission field - and one thing that I've always known, and one thing that's been drilled into me by a really good friend, and one thing I've seen first hand - is you can not go into missions with debt.

I've always known that - but I think I always assumed that if God wanted me to go into missions he would pay off all the crap I got myself into. What I've come to realize is that he gave me a good head on my shoulders and two feet and only one bumm. I've got to get off my buhonkis and get proactive if I want to get out on that mission field and be usable by Him. I'm not saying taking the reigns and not allowing God to lead. Nope - I'm talking about being an active participant in what God's called me to do.

So that meant getting my debt in check. For years I've had plan upon plan, idea after idea, all with a 0% success rate. So I decided to change tactics. I looked over what I was currently doing - credit cards aside and I realized that I was really good with my loans.

Now before you get all hot and bothered hear me out.

I know that loans are bad. I know what the bible says about loans - but I also know that being in debt with credit cards is bad as well. I prayed about it for a long time and I can't explain it but there was a peace about it. I knew that if I got a loan to pay off the credit cards I WOULD pay it off, the interest would be lower, and I wouldn't be a slave to the credit card companies anymore!!

I called my bank - with whom I have a car loan at a good interest rate for my credit score with - and talked to them about what I could do. She said she would look into it and get back to me. I figured the worst she could do was say no. I'd be no worse off - better actually because I was actually being proactive!

I prayed and prayed about it. Talking with God, going over what I was feeling - is this really what I should be doing - am I just doing what I want. . . . you know all the doubts and fears. But this time instead of internalizing them I just gave them all to Him and again that amazing peace like no other came over me and I knew everything would be alright.

I had called on Fri, they were closed Sat and Sun, and Mon they were closed on holiday so I knew it would be Tues before I heard anything.

And wouldn't you know it - I got a call and was approved for the full amount I needed to pay off those three cards. The interest rate (remember the lowest I had on the cc was 23 and highest 26) was 10.25. Much better than I had, and with the payment I had worked out that I could make each month - the loan will be payed off Dec of 2010 - next year. So what I've been paying on for over 5 years (man I don't want to know how much I actually threw down THAT hole) will be almost paid off by this time next year!!!!

So I'm a little excited - thanking Jesus - and planning.

For those of you still with me - thank you! Here's what I've done. I've paid off my cards but I'm not canceling them. But I'm not keeping them either. I'm giving the two cards with the highest limit to my sister to hide and I'm keeping the other one.

Here is my promise to you my blogging family - I will NEVER get in the kind of credit card mess I was in before!! You will NEVER have to hear me whine and complain EVER AGAIN about what a terrible situation I'm in.

I think that's all I've got. Thanks again for those who stuck with me this long in my ramblings!!!

73 More days - till Christmas (for those of you wondering)

2009-10-13T06:41:00.006-05:00

Ok - I found this little dialogue on Facebook - and I've got to tell you it riled me up like no man's business!!! I had so much in me that I wanted to say but the interaction had finished on Friday and I didn't want to stir it up again.

I realize there are some people in the world who can not believe in a God that does not believe the same things they do. But I say - I cannot believe in a God that is dependant on what I believe. Who am I that God should look to me to set His standards. Who am I that God should look to me for advice. Who am I that my God who created the Universe with one word, who came down as a baby, lived a perfect life, and sacrificed Himself for me and all those who would one day enter His kingdom to a place He prepared for me. . . . .

WHO ARE WE TO SAY THAT HE NEEDS TO CONFORM TO WHAT WE THINK HE SHOULD BE!!!!

HOW DARE WE!!!!!!!!!

If God wants to create people with hardened hearts so that millions can come to Him (Pharaoh) - then that is up to HIM - not me. I know the scriptures - For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life. But God is God and He does what HE wants - not what I think He should do or what makes sense in my tiny little mind.

This is the part that REALLY gets my pressure up . . . well one of the many:

"I need to know that I serve a God that can't bear to see any perish since that is my nature and I am made in his image. I I am created without the ability to do good unless God transforms my heart then I am dependent on Him for that. If he chooses not to transform me then I cannot choose good, therefore I cannot be blamed for my sin. This is a circular argument that goes nowhere. I believe he gives us ALL a chance to choose Him. "

You know I started to bold the things that I thought were wrong with that sentence and I ended up bolding it all!!! I mean seriously!!! You need to know that you serve a God that can't bear to see any perish - since that is MY nature and I am made in His image!!! Are you kidding me!!!!!

And then this comment:

"I prefer a loving God and would die if I knew he made some people to just give them NO CHOICE but to burn forever. I would die. That's not my God. I know him."

Really - you know Him . . . are you sure?

Hear what I'm getting at: I know God - I know that I'm His child, and I know that he loves me - what I'm talking about is the arrogance that someone could grasp the ways and thoughts and reasons of God.

Because my God is one that I will never understand, comprehend, or wrap my mind around. . . .and the day I do is the day that I know I'm not worshipping or serving the I AM. I'm no longer worshipping the God who has a storehouse for the mighty hurricanes, or can tell the snow to fall to the ground!!!!

Job 37:4-6 (ESV)
4 After it his voice roars; he thunders with his majestic voice,

and he does not restrain the lightnings when his voice is heard.

5God thunders wondrously with his voice;

he does great things that we cannot comprehend.

6For to the snow he says, 'Fall on the earth,'

likewise to the downpour, his mighty downpour.

God - thank you that I cannot comprehend the great things you do.

Lord - break the hearts of those who try to fit you into the little boxes they have created that will make their world, situations, life make sense. Show them how big you are, how glorious you are, how indescribable You are, how mighty You are, how perfect You are, how loving You are, how just You are, how merciful You are, God show them that even after a million years they could NEVER comprehend all of you. That they could never - after a lifetime of lifetimes contain you into the understanding of simple human minds.

Put people in their lives who will challenge their thinking and will not enable their small mindedness - people who will speak truth no matter how hard it is to hear. Let them go to the bible and have YOU guide their understanding - instead of trying to shove what they read into their own limited understanding of You. Let them drop all that they have preconceived and let them turn to you for wisdom and guidance.

I know that this can VERY easily get into a debate about predestination and Calvinism talk and the like. That's not what I want. I believe scripture and follow the truth where ever it leads. I believe that God does not want anyone to perish, (2 Peter 3:9 The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.) But I also believe scripture when it says that God hardens people's hearts. (Exodus 7:3 But I will harden Pharaoh’s heart, and though I multiply my signs and wonders in the land of Egypt, 4Pharaoh will not listen to you. Then I will lay my hand on Egypt and bring my hosts, my people the children of Israel, out of the land of Egypt by great acts of judgment.)

I had every intention of putting the full dialogue on here - but for selfish reasons so I decided against it (I would have taken down the names of all those involved first though). This post was not to get people on my side and against the people who wrote what I read, but to personally let out the frustration I have with people who have the arrogance to believe that God could ever fit within the realm of what THEY think he should.

Instead - I ask that you pray.

Pray specifically that closed minds would be opened, and that those who would continue to speak lies, and enable small minded thinking to stop. Just pray!

74 More days

2009-10-12T06:41:00.003-05:00

There's a lot I want to say from the sermon yesterday, as usual it was filled with good stuff - but it's gonna have to wait until lunch. Blog ya later!

75 More days

2009-10-12T06:40:00.001-05:00

Well the streak has been broken . . . . my "nap" after church turned into the longest nap EVER!! Went down at 7 and woke at my alarm at 5:30 this morning. Sorry!

76 more days

2009-10-10T08:56:00.003-05:00

I alluded yesterday in my first post that I had more to say about Russia, here it is.

Well I guess more about myself.

I know in the depths of my soul that I am called to Russia, I know that's where God is leading me. But what I don't want is to be one of those people who thinks that God has to everything so I'm going to sit on my behaunkus and wait for my debt to get paid off, language programs to fall in my lap, and all the money I need to go on the trip magically appear.

I know that I can not do anything without God. I know that God's way is the only way that I'm going to get there. But what I also know is that he's given me a good mind and and a heart to hear where he is calling me. We are not called to be bumps on a log and assume that everything is going to be handed to us on a silver platter. We must move where the spirit moves us, do what the spirit calls us to do.

Now if I'm wrong please tell me - no really I want to know. I also know that you/ I can get carried away in thinking that I'm doing and going where the Spirit wants when deep down I knew that it was really where I wanted the Spirit to lead me, and what the Spirit wanted me to do.

So what's that mean for me now.

Well I know that I can not go in to the mission field with debt over my head, and I've never done anything really proactive about it. Oh I've talked about getting rid of it, and and paying it off, but if I can be completely transparent with you guys - I haven't really. Oh sure - I pay my credit bills every month - but I also put charges right back on so it doesn't go anywhere. It's an endless cycle. I will be honest and say that sometimes I really do HAVE to use them but there are other times when I don't really but I do anyways. It's a terrible cycle.

So then what does THIS mean

I'm looking at alternate means for paying off my credit. I don't really know what that looks like - but I've got to do something. Even paying the minimum on one and all the rest on one card - getting that paid off and then moving to the next card and then the final. . . . it all takes too long.

And maybe thats what it's gonna take - but I hope not. GGGGGRRRRRRR stupid debt!!!

All you parents out there - PLEASE teach your children about money. Teach them that it is tool that and that it doesn't have to be used every day. That they should use only what they have and not get stupid credit cards. Or if they do - teach them to put a little on and then pay it off right away. Parents please teach your kids fiscal responsibility.

I realize that I'm now almost 27 and the position I'm in now is my fault but you can prevent this from happening to your kids!! Please parents - talk to your kids about money and what it looks like to use it responsibly, to save, to give it away.

Just couldn't resist!!!

2009-10-09T13:30:00.002-05:00

From this link

FOXNews.com
October 09, 2009

How to Win the Nobel Peace Prize In 12 Days

Let’s take a look at the president’s first 12 days in the White House according to his public schedule to see what he did to deserve a Nobel Peace Prize.

Editor's Note: Although President Obama had only been in office for 12 days before the nominations for this year's Nobel Peace prize closed the entire process actually takes a full year. According to the official Nobel Prize Web site invitation letters are sent out in September. Every year, the Norwegian Nobel Committee sends out thousands of letters inviting a qualified and select number of people to submit their nominations for the Nobel Peace Prize. The deadline to submit nominations is February 1. -- Two hundred five names were submitted for the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize, 33 of which are organizations. A short list of nominees is prepared in February and March. The short list is subject to adviser review from March until August. At the beginning of October, the Nobel Committee chooses the Nobel Peace Prize Laureates through a majority vote. The decision is final and without appeal. The names of the Nobel Peace Prize Laureates are then announced."
Barack Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize this morning. Over the last decade the only requirement to win the prize was that the nominee had to be critical of George W. Bush (see Al Gore, Mohamed El Baradei and Jimmy Carter).
President Obama has broken new ground here. Nominations for potential winners of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize ended on February 1. The president took office only 12 days earlier on January 20.

Let’s take a look at the president’s first 12 days in the White House according to his public schedule to see what he did to deserve a Nobel Peace Prize:

January 20: Sworn in as president. Went to a parade. Partied.

January 21: Asked bureaucrats to re-write guidelines for information requests. Held an “open house” party at the White House.

January 22: Signed Executive Orders: Executive Branch workers to take ethics pledge; re-affirmed Army Field Manual techniques for interrogations; expressed desire to close Gitmo (how’s that working out?)

January 23: Ordered the release of federal funding to pay for abortions in foreign countries. Lunch with Joe Biden; met with Tim Geithner.

January 24: Budget meeting with economic team.

January 25: Skipped church.

January 26: Gave speech about jobs and energy. Met with Hillary Clinton. Attended Geithner's swearing in ceremony.

January 27: Met with Republicans. Spoke at a clock tower in Ohio.

January 28: Economic meetings in the morning, met with Defense secretary in the afternoon.

January 29: Signed Ledbetter Bill overturning Supreme Court decision on lawsuits over wages. Party in the State Room. Met with Biden.

January 30: Met economic advisers. Gave speech on Middle Class Working Families Task Force. Met with senior enlisted military officials.

January 31: Took the day off.

February 1: Skipped church. Threw a Super Bowl party.

So there you have it. The short path to the Nobel Peace Prize: Party, go to meetings, skip church, release federal funding to pay for abortions in foreign countries, party some more.

Good grief.

Read more Tommy De Seno at http://www.justifiedright.com/

77 More days

2009-10-09T06:55:00.002-05:00

I can't believe that (well two things I can't believe) - that I've posted everyday since I started my 100 day countdown until Christmas, and I can't believe that I'm already to 77!! It's crazy!

Now that I have that out of my system (well not truly out - but I can now contain my joy a little bit! Might have to go back to some Christmas music - I've taken a hiatus so as not to burn out too fast)

There are several things flowing through my brain right now, several things that I want to write about - need to write about but I just wrote and deleted about 3 paragraphs worth because it didn't come out right.

One is about living with my sister, and one is about my moving to Russia.

I'll tackle one at a time.

Living with my sister:
I like living with my sister. It means I'm not alone, we generally get along, her crazy "boyfriend" never comes over, and it's CHEAP - which is good cause I couldn't handle it on my own.
Why I don't like living with my sister. She's one of those people that is very selfish. She won't do anything for anyone else. Occasionally she'll ask if I want her to pick something up from the store or offer to buy dinner but that's once in a blue moon. She never helps to pick up around the house and she doesn't really take out the trash. She won't help in the kitchen, and she doesn't cook. All things aren't bad -but all together they are starting to get on my nerves. We supposedly have jobs in the kitchen. I cook, clean, wash the dishes and she "puts them away". Except she never gets around to it before I have another full sink and I end up putting them away several days later! Don't get me started on weekends when I'm gone and the dishwasher is full of clean dishes. I come home to that still full and both sinks stacked (they were empty when I left). So I go ahead and unload and load and then clean. She also gets in moods where she didn't use any of the dishes in the dishwasher and even though they are clean she didn't dirty them so she doesn't want to unload and I end up unloading them again. So basically I do it all. I take out the trash (mind you I'm the only one that cooks so most of the trash is mine - which probably contributes to the fact of why she won't take it OUTSIDE OUR DOOR), I cook, I wash the dishes, and I put them away.

Now don't get me started on the living room and vacuuming. I don't think she's touched that in the two years we've lived together. I'll clean up and take her stuff to her room, but if any of my stuff is in there no way - she's not doing anything.

Please realize I'm just blowing off steam, and while she's no angel I'm not perfect either. I get so fed up that I don't clean the kitchen very much anymore just to see what she'll do (the answer is nothing). I don't take my clothes out of the dryer when they are done - so she has to throw them on the couch (instead of putting them on my bed which is what I do with her clothes when she leaves them in there.

If I could afford it- believe me I'd be out on my own - but as it stands I can't. So I must find a way to work it out. I know that I can. I know I just have to get off my lazy butt and do what I know needs to be done. So tonight the kitchen will get cleaned, the floor will get vacuumed, my room will be cleaned and rearranged, and she'll never know. It's the Dinkins' way.

I'll save Russia for later. Tune in tomorrow when there's only 76 more days.

78 More days

2009-10-08T07:10:00.002-05:00

I don't have much to say this morning . . . . except working with the kids every Wednesday is amazing. Even last night when I had a headache and all I wanted to do was go home and go to sleep and not have any sound come within 10 feet of me. My headache didn't go away - it was always there - but it went away enough for me to enjoy the kids laughing and playing, singing, and even making monkey sounds as they ate the heads off their monkey animal cookies.

We made bags last night for an organization called My Brothers Keeper so that families in our area are able to have Thanksgiving meal. Now when I say made - I mean they used stickers, and pumpkin cut outs, and turkey cut outs, and glue, and markers to decorate brown sacks from Krogers. But they really did a great job and I'm SO glad that I'm working with them each week!!

Moving a little slow this morning still so I'd better get to work!!!

(Can you believe I've posted for over 20 days straight!!! I know - I can't either!!)

Now only 79 days left!!

2009-10-07T06:49:00.002-05:00

As I alluded to last night - today I'll be posting about the meeting that happened last night. I was asked to be apart of the missions team at my church and I'm very excited about that for a few reasons. Some are a little more obvious than others, and some I mentioned last night while rambling on about how my tongue loses all functionality and my brain goes dead, and my knees lose the ability to remain locked in place, and my thighs go numb . . .you know the normal things that happen to me when I get up in front of people. Not just people I don't know - usually it's better in front of people I don't know, and kids - I can get up any time, any where in front of kids- but adults . . . . .ummm no. But again - we covered this all last night at 10:45.

Where was I again . . . . . Oh yes - why I'm excited about the meeting.

I'm excited to be apart of a group of people who have a heart, passion, and love for missions- and not just in that - "I know God's called us all to be missionaries - yay God" kind of way. No this group of people is comprised of men and women who are so moved by the lost, and the desire to make God's love and name known to the world that they would leave their families to go on scouting parties to search out where God is calling us next. A group of men and women moved to tears over stories of how truck loads of men are being shipped in to have their way with little girls, or about the little babies in Russia who will never see the outside of an orphanage or mental institution in their lives all because they were not held, loved, or talked to. Men and women moved by the Spirit, sensitive to where God is leading and not only that but OBEDIENT (or as one of them called it last night- Radical Obedience - yup I just stole that!!) to the call. Not just hearing and feeling the guidance but not doing anything about it (tap tap tap - is this thing on. . . .. attention me 10 years ago - sound familiar!!!)

I'm so glad that this is in place now, a group of people who's intent is to inform, equip, and instill in everyone from the kids to youth to adults that same passion and understanding of missions and how to go from the call to actually going where the call says to go and do what He says to do.

This is especially near and dear to me because back when I first felt called to missions I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't know where to go, what to do, or what the first step should be so I didn't go anywhere. I got sucked back into everyday life and that passion that God had put in my heart went away. I don't ever want that to happen to anyone else. Had there been someone to work with me, and help me think about things I would have done things to entirely different!!

For instance if I were to work with a high schooler now who is called to the mission field I would first and foremost talk to them about finances in a way no one talked to me. Still in high school they haven't accumulated much debt. I'd make sure they knew NOT to get into debt in the first place, not to get credit cards with high limits, to get things and pay off the entire amount that month. To start a savings account that they don't touch. To begin learning about the country they want to go serve in, if necessary begin learning the language. I would point them in the direction of organizations that can help them go where they are wanting to go. I would not just let them sit there with all this hope of where God is leading and no map or direction of how to get there.

If there were someone like that for me way back then I have a feeling my life would look completely different right now. I realize now that I was SO not ready to be out on the mission field back then, but so many other things would have been taken care of, I don't think the debt I've accrued would have been so severe and I would most likely have gotten to a point where I was usable to God a lot faster.

So that's one of the MAIN reasons I'm so happy to be apart of this team. To help people - youth and adults alike funnel the mission that God's placed in their hearts. To be an available resource for those with questions and not just someone to nod their head and say hmmm . . . let me pray about that, or pray for you - all the while their face and tone says - you're not cut out for missions, you don't know what you're wanting to get into - it's not for you (not that there's anything wrong with praying - hear my heart! I just got that reaction from some people close to me and that along with the lack of resources to know how to get from point A to point B contributed to me putting what God called me to on the back burner). I can't wait to see where God is leading through this.

One of those things is Going Global - the big yearly mission push for our church. A time when we introduce all the things we've got planned for the year, all the big trips, all the weekly mission opportunities. . . ect.

I've also volunteered to take over/assist with the missions Blog - and I hope that all my faithful (again yet sometimes stealthy) readers will go over once it's set up and revamped and tell all your friends. The site once set up will be: www.praysendgo.blogspot.com It's kind of the three principles of the missions team and what we feel like God's called us to. To pray, send, and go.

That's all I've got time for this morning - talk to you all tomorrow!

Still 80 more days

2009-10-06T22:44:00.002-05:00

Just had a random comment for my faithful - yet for the most part - stealthy readers (many thanks for those who comment!!)

Tonight I had the first of what I hope to be many incredible meetings with the missions team at my church. As you can tell from my blog - I've got a certain passion for missions and well - obviously for Russia - so I'm VERY excited to see help out in any way I can and share my passion and help others realize the call that God has for them and what that looks like - and not just that but what to do with it so that what happened to me doesn't happen to them.

But thats really tomorrows post. . . .

Tonight I pose a question. Albeit random - it still haunts me.

When praying out loud - why do I; sweat profusely, lose all connection between my brain and my words, talk really really really fast making no sense and then just stop randomly cause I'm outta words.

Does this happen to anyone else - or am I alone in this one. I don't know what it is - whether it goes back to when I was in like the 1st or 2nd grade in Sunday School when I was asked to pray for the Memorial Golf tournament for this guy and I prayed he would get a hole in one not knowing he was dead. I was so embarrassed I skipped Sunday school for the better part of 2-3 months. I would hide in the sanctuary (literally under the camera stand in the back of the gym - there was black material that covered it to the ground and I would crawl back there and color during the first service and then come out for the second) instead of going to class to face all those cruel kids!! Or it could be that my words NEVER come out right when I'm speaking. I've never been one that could say what was on her mind right then and there - again with the disconnect. But give me a keyboard and a blog, or my journal and a pen and the words flow and flow and flow.

Sometimes I think it's because of lack of spiritual maturity that I can't pray out loud like everyone else, or say the words or phrases that sound so "mature and Godly" but then I step back and go - ummmm - I can't speak eloquently anyways - prayer or no prayer. I just don't do well on the spot.

I guess this whole long thing is to ask the question - what do you think? Do you think there are some people who just are unable to pray out loud? Do you have problems praying out loud? Thoughts, comments, . . .. Bueler, Bueler. . . .

80 More Days

2009-10-06T06:52:00.003-05:00

I posted this on my facebook yesterday - lately I've been mirroring these two - but only on the short things. When I really have things to vent, or open up about I save it all for you guys - don't you feel loved?!?!

Anyhoo - so yesterday I got into work at about 6:30 and before I knew it at 9 am there were 4 empty diet coke cans ALREADY in my trash can - and this is what I had by the time I left at 4. . . . there were (yes count them and don't forget that one hiding at the bottom).

If you counted correctly you would count 8!! I drank 8 diet cokes in a 9.5 hour span. that's almost a dc an hour - and would have been had I not had a meeting I had to go to and been running around scanning, making copies, getting name badges, showing some guys who were measuring for new cubes around, and standing around shooting the breeze with my American Boss - (hey - when you're wanting him to take you on to his budget full time - you shoot the breeze any time he wants too!!)

My prayer is that today is not nearly as busy, and that I don't consume near this amount. . . we'll see :) As a friend asked me last night - how is my stomach not already turned to acid - pretty sure it already was before all the coke -but that's just me :)

Happy "only 80 more days til Christmas"

81 more days

2009-10-05T12:19:00.002-05:00

The quote from yesterday was from the sermon that morning as is this quote:

"Maturity in the Christian life is not measured by how bad I was or how good I am - but by the fact that I am no longer what I once was."

What do you think?

82 More days

2009-10-04T22:58:00.003-05:00

You can't help a bird flying over your head but you can keep him from making a nest in your hair.

This was from the sermon this morning in reference to sin. You can't keep temptations from coming around - but you ARE responsible to not let the sin take hold and then reside in it.

83 More days

2009-10-03T10:56:00.003-05:00

Today will be filled with cleaning, baking cookies, making chili and then getting ready for the concert tonight!!

Full day - I'm looking forward to it.

84 More days!

2009-10-02T07:41:00.002-05:00

Jeremiah 10:12 - 13

12It is He who made the earth by His power,

Who established the world by His wisdom;

And by His understanding He has stretched out the heavens.

13When He utters His voice, there is a tumult of waters in the heavens,

And He causes the clouds to ascend from the end of the earth;

He makes lightning for the rain,

And brings out the wind from His storehouses.

And last night he brought out the wind and the rain and the lightning and the thunder and I praised my God who is so big - that storms that can seem scary, and huge and enveloping are small enough for God to place them in His storehouse. Thank you God for the rain! Thank you for showing me your power! Thank you that the earth and all that is in it are yours!

85 More days

2009-10-01T06:56:00.002-05:00

Last night was so great!!

I recently began working with some kiddos on Wednesday nights at my church. We have a program called M&Ms - or Music and Missions. Well Kristi Perry and Laura Beadle - two amazing women - take care of that part. Laura gets them pumped up with the likes of the Garden song, and Big House, and then Kristi goes through the songs we sing on Sunday in "Big Church" so that the kids can sing along.

But she doesn't just teach them the songs. She goes line by line asking the kids what they think it means - and can I tell you - HOLY COW some of these kids are deep!!! Then once they understand the words they are singing - unlike most adults - we go through the songs and sing. There are few sounds in the world that can compete with a baby's laugh - but I have to say that hearing these kids sing these words to the King is right up there. There's no reservation, no worry about being off key, no care for how loud they are - they are singing unashamed. Seriously - we could all take lessons from them. (I know I am!)

Then it came to my part. I teach the missions part. Last week - well lets just say that I'm not a good "winger" when it comes to being unprepared. I thought I had been prepared but I wasn't. Couldn't find the right video - we watched the wrong one and it was terrible!!! Then we couldn't do the craft we wanted because it didn't go with the video so there was all this leftover time. Grrrr!!!

This week I was not about to let that happen again. So I got there early, found the correct video and watched it before time. I also wrote down some questions for the kids to be looking out for while we watched the video to keep them entertained. The video - being much better than the last, along with the question and answers were great. The kids really did pay attention, they remembered what they saw, and then when we went to do the craft they were ALL getting into it!! There was no down time like. . . .uh. . uh. . .lets play a game. yeah - let's play a game for 25 min til your parents get here!! Nope - timing was beautiful and everything went off without a hitch.

I wanted to teach this part to the kids because it means so much to me, and because I was introduced to missions so late in life. I don't want these kids to miss out on the amazing things God can do in and through people who are obedient to his call in their life. And I also know that you don't have to dumb it down for kids - for the most part they can handle it better than most grown ups.

So - all in all the end of day 86 in my countdown was a great one and I can not wait to see what next week brings!

86 More days

2009-09-30T06:52:00.002-05:00

I'm not generally a political kind of person but like I mentioned before my eyes are opening up more and more to the government around me. From the kids singing "Red and Yellow Black and White - we're all equal in his sight" and no they are not singing to God - they are singing to Obama or taking the Battle Hymn of the Republic and changing the words to worship Obama. To letting a man "off the hook" for doing so many unspeakable things to a girl who was 13 years old. But, come on, like Whoopi said on the View the other day - it wasn't rape-rape!!!(To be read DRIPPING with so much sarcasm it's sick) (for all the facts about the story including the video of those words actually coming out of her mouth go here) Come on now!!!! What is this country coming to. Again I go back to an earlier post where I put that the song in my heart is "On CHRIST the solid rock I stand" HE is my hope, HE is my peace, HE is the one I sing to!!

This week I found a post on a friends facebook - and while I don't know where it came from or the validity of it's words - just thinking that it might be true, and knowing that there are people out there who would stand up and say these things puts a little smile on my face.

Original post can be found here
At a time when our president and other politicians tend to apologize for our country`s prior actions, here's a refresher on how some of our former patriots handled negative comments about our country. These are good!

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when DeGaulle decided to pull out of NATO. DeGaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible. Rusk responded "does that include those who are buried here? DeGualle did not respond.
You could have heard a pin drop

When in England , at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building by George Bush. He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.'
You could have heard a pin drop.

There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?' A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'
You could have heard a pin drop.

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries. Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?' Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, 'Maybe it's because the Brit's, Canadians, Aussie's and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop.

AND THIS STORY FITS RIGHT IN WITH THE ABOVE...

Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on. "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically. Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously. "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it." "Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !" The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, ''Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchmen to show a passport to."
You could have heard a pin drop.

Like I said - I can't say whether this is true or not - but it did make some of that old American pride swell up in me. What happened to that part of our nation. The part that stood up for freedom. The part that didn't apologize for breathing - or going to the rescue of a nation in need. The part that stood up for the rights of our children no matter who the attacker is. The part that said the Pledge of Allegiance to One Nation UNDER GOD! The part that formed our nation with GOD at it's center - knowing that without him we WOULD NOT STAND! Where have we gone people. Where have we gone?

Still 87 days left - just had another thought

2009-09-29T15:44:00.001-05:00

If I DO get to go to Russia for a month in January -that's only 94 more days!!! As Jackie (intern from this summer) would say - HOLY MAN!!

87 More days

2009-09-29T07:27:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I said that there was more to say about Russia and my job - but actually in going down farther to about day 91 I realized that I had already told you all everything I know.

I haven't yet heard back from Orphan Outreach - but they are heading out this week on a trip and I'm sure they're getting ready for that. Or waiting until they are there to see if there is a need or a place for me to be. So I'm still waiting on that aspect.

Work - well nothing official was done, and there was no other discussion other than "would you be interested in continuing another year". While I told them I did want to continue I'm going to wait until I hear back from Mike or Amy (Orphan Outreach) before I give a firm decision. After all, they may resend the offer if they knew that I'd be gone for an entire month.

As always I know that God is in control and I wait for his lead.

88 More days!!

2009-09-28T12:52:00.002-05:00

I can hardly believe that there are only 88 more days until Christmas and 59 until Thanksgiving. Time sure is flying!!

Well this weekend I got my parents moved into their new home. It's amazing - love the floor plan, the kitchen, the views, the kitchen, all the windows and natural light, the KITCHEN!!! but I believe I've already mentioned that already ;) It's huge, gorgeous, and in my opinion very functional.

I got back pretty late last night but I was very impressed with myself that I didn't miss a day in my 100 days of posting consecutively. I was doubly impressed with myself that I had the forethought to prepost for Sat since I didn't know if there would be internet access at the new house so I put together an extra one on Fri that would post on Sat! Look at me all being prepared!!!

So I don't have much to say today, well I have a lot to say but don't really have the time here at work today to say anything so I'll fill you in later. But it has to do with Russia and my job.

Stay tuned.

89 more days

2009-09-27T22:44:00.005-05:00

just got back from a weekend of moving my parents into their new home. don't have much left in me - just wanted to make sure to post today - well in the hour and 15 mins that left in today.

Good night!

90 More days!!!!

2009-09-26T08:00:00.000-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I have your attention?
I want tointroduce to you
In this corner of the good and the right,
stands a championrobed in white
His height exceeds the heavens,
His weight outweighs the world
His reach reaches everywhere,
His age is evermore

He is higher than the highest ,
greater than the great
No one will ever take His crown away
He's more mighty than the mightiest,
He reigns from above
He's the all-time undisputed,
undefeated champion, of love

He left His hometown to enter this arena,
to raise His hands in victory for me
An angry crowd crucified this king who wore their crown,
as they gladly watched the champion going down
Oh but I will never count Him out, for I'm a witness of
The day He rose to reclaim the title "Champion of Love"

He is higher than the highest ,
greater than the great
No one will ever take His crown away
He's more mighty than the mightiest,
He reigns from above
He's the all-time undisputed,
undefeated champion, of love

91 More Days!!!

2009-09-25T06:57:00.002-05:00

So I had my meeting yesterday afternoon and it was amazing - just like I knew it would be. We ended up meeting with the President of the organization and the Director of Programs (who can I say drove and flew here from Dallas to meet with us!! Well they had a lunch meeting that day too but seriously - wow!!)

I knew from the moment they walked in this was going to be a GREAT meeting! They were warm and genuine, and once they started talking you could tell the love they had for the kids was sincere and that THEY were the reasons they were doing all this.

We spoke about the different projects they had going on all over the world, particularly in India and Russia, and I must say that over the course of the meeting everyone teared up at least once - several people more (the people from Orphan Outreach included).

Throughout the whole meeting and in the introduction I told them about my passion to go to Russia, to be there full time, that God had called me to go and would drop (myself and about everyone else in the room) suttle hints about me going and staying and not coming back.

At the end of the meeting I Marcie made the way for the conversation I wanted to have where she said - all kidding aside Rebecca is serious about going over there and working. She had to leave and pick up her daughter and as I continued my conversation I was able to tell them my heart for the kids and for Russia. They asked how long I wanted to stay and I told them I didn't know. God just told me to go - he never said anything about coming back. Mike, the President, very wisely said - my suggestion would be to go for a month because visiting and living are two very separate things, and there have been many people who have been burned out after a few short months.

Then they asked what I did. I made sure to be upfront and tell them that I didn't have a degree but I'm a master of all trades and can pick just about anything up. However I knew that it was difficult to justify moving to a country that frowns upon missionaries, so without a degree or specific job to do over there it might pose some problems. I even told them that I had no problem with, after being there for a month - if God calls me there full time - getting a degree - be it teaching or social work, or heck plumbing - I don't care - would be something that I would do.

So where did the conversation leave off? I left Mike with my information and he said that he would look into finding a place for me to spend a month. I don't know when or how but here is where I need you to pray.

My job, after all these months of praying and wondering if I'd have a job and then wondering if this is the crossroads where God would lead me to Russia, my UK boss (who was in town) chose yesterday to have a conversation with me about the next year and what that would look like. He basically said - I can't offer you a full time position but I can offer you another year.

What's that mean for this. Well I've got plans but I want to make sure they are God's plans so I'll share them with you - my blogging friends knowing that you'll join me in bathing them in prayer so that God's will would shine through and the rest of the doors would firmly close.

At first I had thought that I would renew the contract with Wood Group for the year, take January off to be my month to go work, and then come back and if I still feel like God's called me then I would have a year to get my affairs in order. If not I would still have my job. Here's where the tricky part comes in. The money. I know it's not too big for God. I know that if I'm supposed to go he will make a way. But I'm either taking a month off with no pay whatsoever and having to come up with money for my trip as well as covering my expenses for the month, or I'm taking the two weeks vacation I've stored up and still having to cover the two other weeks plus the trip.

I don't know what this looks like or how God is going to make this work - but you know what. I'm not worried.

The God who created the mountains, and the trees, and the little crabs at the bottom of the ocean with velcro like arms and gave them the sense to use their surroundings to camouflage themselves (thank you animal planet - watched with the McClendon's while babysitting last week - so cool!!) - than he can work out how to get me to Russia.

Thank you my friends for reading this, and praying with me. I'll make sure to keep you updated as I go along.

92 More days

2009-09-24T06:39:00.002-05:00

I don't have much this morning except that I have a meeting this afternoon that I am VERY excited about.

Our church is partnering with a new organization called Orphan Outreach. They minister to places like India and Russia but not just any place in that massive country. Oh no - they've worked with my kids at Lopuhinka and with Pastor Andre' in Lomonosof (sp?). Not only that but they have ministries set up where women are working in the baby hospitals and in Orphanage# 15 - the orphan hospital, and they have programs that help with the transition between being in the system and being out on your own - all things that God has laid on my heart to help with and be part of. AND they need more help and are looking to bring more people on. At least that's what their website says.

I've been talkin' with God a lot since I got back from Russia. When I first got back. . .. well let's just say I didn't want to leave in the first place. I wanted to be left there to stay with my kids, and figure out some way to work with the older ones as they transition out of that small place into ginormous St. Petersburg. But there and even since I've gotten back his answer has been "be patient". I've attempted contacting people about joining programs they already have, I've continued to pray but still the same "be patient" over and over.

Well, when Marcie told me about the meeting that she was planning with this new organization about our trip next summer, and what a partnership with them would look like I began to get excited again and this time when I prayed I heard something different. I haven't been hearing "be patient". On the other hand I haven't heard another clear answer either. So I'm going in with questions and with an open heart and mind.

My prayer has been for a clearly wide open door, or a clearly marked - loud sounding thudding closed door (I'm a little dense sometimes and need clarity in the answers :-) )

So I ask for you to pray with me as I attend this meeting (starts at 1 pm) that God would clearly lead the meeting, and be very clear with me, and that I would be open to what he's saying even if it's not what I want to hear.

Some of the questions I'll be asking:
Do you still need workers in Russia
What's the process for getting into the programs
Are they there for a set amount of time or until they are called back to the states
Do you have any programs you suggest using when learning Russian (Rosetta Stone?)
When do we leave? (that last one would be my dream question - and there are many that would follow if that one actually gets asked, but things that would seem so trivial in the light of actually getting to go to Russia to be with my kids!!)

Today at one.

Oh and by the way - 63 more days until Thanksgiving, and 92 until Christmas (and another by the way - my contract at work is only through December. They might renew they might not. I'm thinkin' what a great time to move to Russia - or at least get another part time job while I'm working on getting things together to move my life to Russia. just a thought. One of the many that I've had lately)

93 More days

2009-09-23T07:02:00.003-05:00

Lately I've been gettin into old school country and Bluegrass . . . so in continuing with yesterday's song theme enjoy. Bust out your fiddle, boots and cowboy hat and just try not to start two steppin!!

And now for some bluegrass with the Isaacs :Walk On (I dare you - don't start movin to this song)

94 More Days

2009-09-21T14:44:00.002-05:00

Songs have always had a special place in my heart.

There are just some songs that can bring me to the throne in a way that nothing else can. There are some that, when I don’t have the words to tell God how big and amazing he is I sing a song that tells him. I’ve never been one for words (blogs don’t count).

I’ve always been a music person. Well, I’m posting two songs today. The first one is a hymn that we started singing at my church, and if you’ve never heard it I suggest you look it up on iTunes – sung by Selah!! Amazing! But it’s not just the music or the people singing it – though they are incredible.

Just look at the words.:
I have a high priest who pleads for me!! You have a high priest who pleads to the Father for you! My name is written on his heart and hands and NO ONE can take me from Him.

And don’t get me started on the second verse!! I’ve been struggling with sins lately and letting Satan lead me to despair. When that happens I sing this song and remember that my soul is counted free because of what Jesus did on the cross for me. Can I hear and AMEN!!! Hallelujah!!!

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea
A great high Priest whose Name is Love
Whoever lives and pleads for me
My name is graven on His hands
My name is written on His heart
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart

When Satan tempts me to despair
And tells me of the guilt within
Upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end to all my sin
Because the sinless Savior died
My sinful soul is counted free
For God the just is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

Behold Him there the risen Lamb
My perfect spotless righteousness
The great unchangeable I AM
The Kind of glory and of grace
One with Himself I cannot die
My soul is purchased by His blood
My life is hid with Christ on high
With Christ my Savior and my God!
With Christ my Savior and my God!

The next song deals more with my desire for missions. I think it’s kind of like the anomaly that happens when you get a new car. You don’t see anyone with the car you have until you get it and then you see it EVERYWHERE! It’s not that they’ve never been there you just haven’t noticed it before. Well the same goes for me and songs that are about missions and going where God leads. This one is by Mercy Me and goes perfectly with the Missions slogan at my church – here am I send me!

On the other side of the world

She stands on the ocean shore

Gazing at the heavens she wonders

Is there something more

Never been told the name of Jesus

She turns and walks away

What a shame

Just across the street in your hometown

Leaving from his nine to five

Gazing down the road he wonders

Is this all there is to life

Never been told the name of Jesus

He continues on his way

What a shame

[CHORUS:]Whom shall I send

Who will go for me

To the ends of the earth

Who will rise up for the King

Here am I send me

Whether foreign land or neighbors

Everyone's the same

Searching for the answers

That lie within your name

I want to proclaim the love of Jesus

In all I do and say

Unashamed

[BRIDGE:]How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news

Proclaiming peace and your salvation

Speaking of missions and Russia (well I know that I didn’t mention it but it’s always on my heart). . . . stay tuned to the upcoming posts about a meeting I get to be a part of on Thursday that will help to plan the next mission trip to Russia. Not to mention this particular group already has established groups and programs in baby hospitals and transition homes and is looking for more people to help with that. . . . .

95 More days

2009-09-21T09:38:00.002-05:00

Only 95 more days until Christmas people - can you believe it!?!?! I know it doens't sound like all the much right now but you just wait - it'll be here before you know it. You want to hear something even scarier - Thanksgiving is in 66 days!! Crazy I know.

I have more I want to blog about but don't have the time - crazy day at work!! Isn't that how it always is - the times you want to write you don't have the time - and the times you don't have a thing to write you've got all the time in the world!!!

Sorry friends - you'll have to wait.

96 more days

2009-09-20T22:02:00.003-05:00

I don't have much for you all today. Actually - by the time this hits the site there will only be about 1.5 more hours left of the 96th day until Christmas.

I left my house around 8 this morning, and after church I had several errands to run, a come and see for a new baby, and then home groups - and finally home to my comfy bed.

So really - that's all you get. Just wanted to make sure I at least made it out of the 90's before skipping on my attempt to blog everyday until Christmas.

Plan on blogging in the morning so hopefully that will be a little more coherent. :)

97 More days til Christmas

2009-09-19T09:00:00.002-05:00

I love countdowns. I don't know what it is about them - they just make me happier. It gives me a definitive time for when something is going to happen. It makes the days go by faster. It's just one of the small things in life that makes me happy!

Enough of that - on to more important things . . . .. like. . . .

I don't know. What DID I used to write about when I was posting daily. This is going to be harder than I thought.

I'll get back to you.

98 more days

2009-09-18T06:16:00.002-05:00

I must not stay silent any longer!!

This has bugged me for YEARS but I've held my tongue - but no longer - nope I'm speakin' out

(If you have this kind of tree I'm sorry - please disregard my sole opinion)

This tree is terrible!!!!!

Not only is it ugly, not only does it not allow for the fun searching for more presents under the tree, not only does it make the train set have to be tiny tim size in order to not look awkward. . . .. but the number one reason . . .

IT'S NOT REAL!!!!!!

But I'm done now.

99 Days left (well 98 cause I'd already mark out todays number but I'm going to be good!

2009-09-17T06:56:00.003-05:00

I had another post already prepared about a Christmas trend that I really think is quite dumb. I don't mean to offend those that like it - but I can't go there - it's just wrong. But for that post you'll have to wait until day 98.

Today I'm going to talk about our President. I don't know much about politics. Let me rephrase - I DIDN'T know much about politics before. But the more I'm learning now the scareder (is that even a word?) I become. First our President has gone back on almost everything he promised while running for election. No biggie - he's a politician and we all know they say things to get elected.

But then you add on top everything since. Giving billions of dollars in bailout to the people who CAUSED THE MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE, while taxing the mess out of those small business owners who are actually somewhat successful in hiring and keeping people employed, to a point where they can no longer exist!!

Then you have this health care program. I'm still not sure everything that's involved - but I've heard enough to know that it will allow illegal aliens to get treatment. Even though the mighty man (ha) says it won't - there are proven loop holes which allow it, and all attempts at breaking those loop holes were denied by the dems. Also - I read a staggering report that if EVERYONE - including the illegal aliens started getting the healthcare - the amount of new doctors being needed would be staggering. There would be no way to keep up!! This is how in other countries where they have this kind of health care - people have their names put in a bag and one name drawn once a month to become one of the lucky few to get an appointment with a doctor. Or have to come to America for surgery because the wait is so long in their country (don't quote these as facts but I can go back and find where I saw them if needed).

Then you have the whole ACORN mess - don't even get me started on that. Good grief - are you kidding me. These people whom Obama told before he was elected that you're agenda is my agenda . . .. these are the same people who are telling a prostitute and her pimp how to tax evade, and benefit from sex trafficing a group of 13 year old girls!! Are you freakin kidding me. And this was not at just one location - this was at at least 3 (that I know of at the time of this post - I think there were more). They didn't hide the fact of what they were, they repeated it time and time again and one lady kept telling them - you are no longer a prostitute- you are an entertainer. Are you kidding me!!! These are the same people that Obama said - your agenda is my agenda remember.

And then you have his advisers or as Glenn Beck calls them - his Czars. One that resigned - but who was a SELF PROCLAIMED COMMUNIST!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! He's not the only radical person the president has aligned himself with. It's ridiculous!! and even though Czar Jones has stepped down do you really think he's out of the President's earshot - ummm NO!!

And then you have this lovely story. I don't know - maybe it's just me - but I THOUGHT here in America we supported our allys. But apparently we don't.

Found this story here:
"Next week the Obama Administration will allow:
Ahmadinejad(Ahmadinejad is an outspoken critic of United States foreign policy and Israel),
Castro (He is currently the First Secretary of the Communist Party of Cuba) .,
Chavez (He is also a critic of neoliberalism, globalization, and United States foreign policy.)
Gaddafi (quote : "God damn America" – Time magazine, April 2, 1973)
and several other international thugs into New York City to speak in front of the United Nations General Assembly.

However, one country's president will not be allowed into the United States. President Roberto Micheletti from Honduras will not be allowed to enter into America. The Obama Administration revoked his visa back in July.

For the first time in our nation's history, the Obama administration is siding with Marxist leaders Hugo Chavez, Daniel Ortega, Raul Castro and Evo Morales in condemning our democratic ally Honduras."

It is a sad time for America. Our country is heading down a path that NOT be good.

There is one song that keeps singing in my heart and head. It's a song that I sing over and over. It contains a word that has been linked to Obama when it really should be placed in God Almighty - the ONLY ONE who can get us out of this mess

My hope is built on nothing less

than Jesus blood and righteousness

I dare not trust the sweetest frame

But wholly lean on Jesus name

On Christ the solid rock I stand

all other ground is sinking sand

When darkness seems to hide his face

I rest on his unchanging grace

in every high and stormy gale

my anchor holds within the veil

On Christ the solid rock I stand
all other ground is sinking sand

His oath, his covenant, his blood

supports me in the whelming flood.

When all around my soul gives way,

he then is all my hope and stay

On Christ the solid rock I stand
all other ground is sinking sand

When he shall come with trumpet sound,

O may I then in him be found!

Dressed in his righteousness alone,

faultless to stand before the throne!

(sing it at the top of your lungs with me)

ON CHRIST THE SOLID ROCK I STAND

ALL OTHER GROUND IS SINKING SAND

ALL OTHER GROUND IS SINKING SAND!!!!

My God, my God - come and rescue your people. We cry out to you - we need you! You are our strong tower and our refuge. You are our defender. You are our protector. Rain your justice down on this land Oh God - bring us back to you!!!

100 Days!!!

2009-09-15T15:00:00.005-05:00

I stand corrected!!!

TODAY is 100 days until Christmas!!! Can you believe it!!

Thank you Misty B for making sure I don't miss this momentous day!

I am Woman Hear Me ROAR!!!!

2009-09-09T12:05:00.003-05:00

So this morning I had some errands to run for the work breakfast we were doing and I had to travel a lot on a road that was under construction.

Apparently I hit something wrong, or ran over something cause when I left work at lunch to run home I saw that I had a flat(bummer #1). It wasn't all the way flat so I felt comfortable enough to head up to the nearest gas station to have them change it and fix it.

Unfortunately for me that gas station didn't have any kind of service department (bummer #2) . When I went in to ask the attendant she barely spoke English and couldn't help me out (bummer #3), so I went back outside - have I mentioned it was raining (bummer #4)??!!?!!? - and began to change my tire. I didn't want to risk driving anywhere else so I busted out the spare.

All the while - while I'm on my hands and knees, covered in sweat and rain, and struggling with the tire, lug nuts, spare tire. . . .ect - there were all these people driving up to get gas, watching and then leaving. I spent about 20 min there and you know how many people asked to help me .. . . big fat ZERO(bummer #5)!!!! GGGGGRRRRRRRR!!!!! If I were a hottie I'd have had at least 10 guys fighting to help me. Scratch that - I wouldn't have even started to change my tire - I would have called for help.

All that to say - I'm wet, I'm tired, I'm hungry, and I still have to go get my tired repaired(bummer #6)!!! Boo for that!!!!

But I can say - I did it all. I changed my tire, put the new tire on, and will take it to get fixed ALL BY MYSELF!!! Roar!

Has anyone noticed lately

2009-09-02T15:22:00.002-05:00

Has anyone noticed that of late the mornings have become a little more brisk- and by brisk I mean not stifling and dripping with humidity so that your perfectly flat ironed hair looks like carrot top by the time you get to your car?

You know what that means!! Fall is coming - and then you know what comes after that?!?! Yep -that's right folks - Christmas. The countdown begins on Sept 18th. What countdown you may ask yourself - well the 100 day countdown!! Man - time flies!!!

Talitha Koum

Able - Needtobreathe

I surrender all

Silence broken

A-Z About Me

Radio Silence

Nursery for a Friend

Never Once

Russia - 2011

May May go away - please don't come back another day.

Change in the Making - Addison Road

Changes

Show Me - Audrey Assad

Fall

Restless

53 days and 8 hours

60 Days 11 hours and 30 Min

Travelling Intercession

Why

Lopuhinka as promised.

As promised

So much to talk about - but where to begin.

28 Days 11 hours 18 min (so the min part was only accurate at the time I wrote the title - but you get the gist!!)

Oh My Blog!!

Day 2 of No Diet Coke

43 More Days - 8 hours

48 days and counting

He never ceases to Amaze

T- minus 10 hours

Training Weekend

You never cease to amaze!!

59 more days

Long time no post.

I am broken

The call last night

Last night

Beware Fish City Grill in Sugar Land

I know - kind of Anti-climactic

Pretty Stinkin Cool!!!!!

14 More days?!?!?! Holy Man!!!

21 More Days

23 More days

24 more days!

30 more days!!!

Still 31 more days

31 More days

32 more days

TODAY there's only 36 day's left.

37 More days - **Updated**

Are you ready for this!!!

44 More days

49 more days

Still 50 days . . .

50 more days!!!

Still 51 more days

51 More days

58 More Days - (til Christmas)

59 More days

60 More days

64 More days

65 More Days

69, 68, 67 More days

70 More days

71 More days

72 more days

73 More days - till Christmas (for those of you wondering)

74 More days

75 More days

76 more days

Just couldn't resist!!!

77 More days

78 More days

Now only 79 days left!!

Still 80 more days

80 More Days

81 more days

82 More days

83 More days

84 More days!

85 More days

37 More days - Updated