Thanksgiving

It's a sad day for me!

I can't tell you how many days til Christmas. I've not decorated my apartment. And sadness of all sadness - I'm not going to the Thanksgiving day parade.

I'm just not feeling it. I can't tell you why. I have some guesses - but I can't say for sure.

Sad sad day.

Well - happy thanksgiving to all.

All the Way

All the way my Savior leads me
What have I to ask beside
How could I doubt his tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

All the way my Savior leads me
And cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the living bread

You lead me
And keep me from falling
You carry me close to your heart
And surely your goodness and mercy
Will follow me

All the way my Savior leads me
Oh, the fullness of his love
Oh, the sureness of his promise
In the triumph of his blood

And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings it's flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
Jesus led me all the way

You led me
And kept me from falling
You carried me close to your heart
And surely your goodness and mercy they followed me

You lead me
And keep me from falling
You carry me close to your heart
And surely your goodness and mercy will follow me



Seriously - this song has rocked my world since I heard it. I sit here wanting to bold or underline the "important" parts that mean the most to me - like I do when I'm reading the word or other books. But I found myself bolding and underlining the entire song. This song is like Brennnan Manning books to me. Everything my soul and heart has been crying out about but not able to voice the words. These two men have done that. Chris Tomlin with this song and Brennan Manning with his books.

Especially in this time of my life the second verse about winding paths, and grace for every trial. Seriously this song encompasses everything my heart wanted to say and didn't know how.

What I love and cling to the most about this song and promise is that ALL THE WAY God will be there for me. When it comes to my job situation he will be there all the way. Not just in the interviews or application process - but all the way to getting a job, being hired, starting and working at a job. He's there all the way. It's not like the first day of school where he walks me up to the classroom or even comes in for a short while but then leaves. No ALL the way he's there. Through every trial and tribulation holding me close to his heart!!

Can you tell I love this song. I love that my soul sings from somewhere deep down within as if it's been trying to tell me this all along and now I can finally hear it.

Ok - well the rambling needs to end. Sorry - I guess this is what happens when you go on a blogging fast combined with great revelation from the father!

Thanks for your continued prayer and support. I'll keep you updated on what's going on.

The new Brennan Manning Book

Ok - I've found a new favorite book.

I think really he's my favorite author of all time. It's as though all the doubts, frustrations and questions are all answered by him.

I think what I really like about it is that it's not talking at me - as if hello nincompoop - you should know this. I can't believe there are people out there thinking this - but apparently there are. No - it's all first hand knowledge. Him sharing self stories and revelations.

So the new book I've started is Stranger to Self-hatred.

Seriously as I've read this book I'm almost in tears because of all the revelations to me. Everything from reasons why I'm so hot and cold, up and down - the extreme mood swings. To reasons why maybe I haven't experienced God's love like I know he feels towards me. It's been refreshing, revitalizing, and quite frankly calming. But in the same breath it's also encouraged my spiritual walk to deepen. I've opened myself up more recently, and it's funny because I was so convinced that I'd already opened up myself - but I realized that I'd only opened up part of myself but the most important part I'd kept closed.

So all that long winded explanation all to say - go get this book. It's amazing!!!

So I'm temporarily back. My sister brought home her laptop for me to continue my job hunting.

I'm working on 4 weeks without a full time job.


I've applied at nearly every place I can think of - anywhere from hospitals, to temp agencies, to offices, to retirement homes, to optitricians offices.

I got really down earlier this week because I had settled on the only solid offer for a job I'd had and a day before I was to go down and sign the letter of intent (I'd already been officially offered and officially accepted the job) they called and said - sorry -were're on a hiring freeze. It seemed as if the world around me was crumbling.

Now - before I get inundated with comments about how it's ok, God is in control - I know. I know that I'm his child, I know that as he clothes the flowers of the field so he will take care of me. But when you are PMSing, and the reality of bills and no money, and the fact that I really hadn't grieved the loss of my job - I was ok with losing it. I'm ok now. I'm still jobless, but I'm not hopeless. I think there's a big difference.

There are a few possibilities on the horizon - but nothing solid. I'm holding to the knowledge that I'm a child of my Father and I've not been forgotten.